


You're The Preacher's Son and He's the Hot Bad Boy

by blueeyedmasterpiece



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Death, Depression, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, M/M, Past Relationships, Self-Harm, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:31:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5797057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueeyedmasterpiece/pseuds/blueeyedmasterpiece
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU I made with Lee (shiphoose) on Tumblr. Read their stuff to understand the AU better, I promise it'll be better than all my writing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Church Kid Sings (Bad Boy Bleeds)

**Author's Note:**

> For shiphoose (I love you) (minor mentions of smoking, drinking, and dying. Nothing too major I don’t think)

Adam feels like everyone stares at him.

Like their eyes are watching, knowing. Knowing what he’s done and waiting to tell his parents the secrets that crawl under his skin. He can’t look his parents in the eye, can’t look at the others at church in the eye because they could know. They could know everything. They could read it in his eyes and the guilt that spreads like poison through his veins.

They could know.

~~~~~~

Bruce feels like no one looks at him at all.

Everyone knows his story, everyone knows he leaves behind years of pain with a punch of his fist. Everyone knows the smoke he breathes into his lungs only to let it out again reminds him he’s still alive. That he’s alive and they aren’t. Everyone knows that the parties he goes to are only to bring a feeling of release for a few hours before he opens the door to his shitty house and realizes he’s alone. Everyone knows the blood, the pain.

Everyone knows.

~~~~~~

When you flip a coin, one side is Adam.

He’s tails. He’s a side that people don’t think of first until they’re called out and then they say it again.

When you flip a coin, one side is Bruce.

He’s heads. He’s a side that people always want first until they lose and then they never say it again.

They weren’t alike at all, but at the same time, they were both from the same coin.

~~~~~~

Everyone knew but Adam.

The dirt that was packed under nails and blood that coated lips would never show Adam the truth.

Bruce never would show him the truth.

He couldn’t tell him, even when Adam would fall asleep on the couch beside him. No words could explain the pain that Bruce endured, that James saw him endure. Even Sean didn’t quite understand it when he sat the kid down and told him everything.

Bruce didn’t want Adam to know.

He was stamped as a bad boy in Adam’s eyes and that’s all Bruce wanted to be. Bruce knew that their relationship wouldn’t last and Adam’s parents would push him into some fancy college and Bruce would be left behind. Will only be remembered when Adam thinks about his high school years when he’s talking to his kids. When he’s married and smiles happily and doesn’t come back to see any of them.

Bruce knows how it goes.

~~~~~~

Adam wakes up everyday wishing he hadn’t.

He hears his parents fighting over small things that become bigger things as he gets out of bed, stretches his arms over his head. He gets ready, writes a note, and then leaves, knowing his parents have come to the point where they never look at him. They only fight, only slam fists on tables and knock things over as they fight about bills and payments. About how they will keep going. Nothing is said about Adam anymore, only small comments about how he can help himself, he’s a big boy now. He doesn’t need money for college, he can use student loans. We need money for us.

For us.

Adam finds himself drowning on dry land when he hears words that slip out of his parents’ mouths that they think he can’t hear. Can’t understand. He feels like they’re slowly letting go of the leash that’s attached to him and that’s all Adam wants. All he wants is to be free.

He starts his car and drives away and his parents never say a thing.

~~~~~~

When Adam and Bruce are together, they become different people.

Bruce feels like he’s drowning and Adam feels like he’s floating.

Bruce knows that’s what love does to people and Adam has no idea. Bruce laughs and Adam smiles and they fall together like a two pieced puzzle. High school becomes a war field and Bruce holds Adam’s hand to lead him through the maze of bullets.

When Adam stays the night at Bruce’s house, they sleep in the same bed.

~~~~~~

Adam finds himself digging his nails into his tattooed hip.

He can feel the risen skin under his fingers when he lays still in his room. Follows the pattern forever before finally digging his blunt, chewed up nails into it. The first time stung, but now its become a numb feeling. He never has gone enough to draw blood, never wants to, but it brings him back. Tells him that he’s alive and needs to stay that way.

Glass shattered down stairs and Adam doesn’t flinch.

~~~~~~

Bruce has learned to get rest without sleeping.

He just lays in the darkness and wait for the sun to light his room. It’s almost ghostly and he stays in that state for hours. He never moves, hardly ever breathes, just stays. Stays and waits forever to only wake up and continue to live on. It’s the only peace he gets.

The moment he moves, the feeling is gone.

~~~~~~

As dull lights illuminate Adam and Bruce’s face, they know it’s okay.

They know that they’re just young kids living their lives at the fullest and when Adam doesn’t drink anything and Bruce drinks everything, that they’re just human. That when they graduate, they get to be freedom riders on the air they breathe. That the others will follow them and share the air. That Adam has already got an idea of a new tattoo that he’s getting on his eighteenth birthday that’s less cheesy and more him. That Bruce already knows that Adam will understand the secrets he’s hid.

They know they have each other, even when Bruce has his doubts and Adam has his fears, they have each other.

And that’s all they need.


	2. And You'll Be Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Preacher’s son au. Grovic. Warning for alcohol, drug use, and violence. There is a little of self harm, but it isn’t too bad. To shiphoose because I love them.)

Parties meant there was enjoyment. Parties meant cheap beer and drugs. Parties meant you were important.

And Bruce, he liked to feel important.

He liked the rush when people looked at him with fear, hatred, or wonder. He liked the feeling of being seen and talked about. He loved it.

Adam hated it.

But Adam never said anything about it, never wanted Bruce to feel bad. Because he loved Bruce and wanted him to feel happy. Wanted him to feel important.

And if Adam had to deal with crowds because of it, then that was okay.

~~~~~~

Bruce realized he’d do anything for Adam. Even it meant he could get hurt, could die, he’d do it. Adam was everything to him and if his sky and moon and stars became hurt in any way, Bruce would make sure the people who did it would pay. Everyone would pay.

~~~~~~

Picking glass out of wounds was the worst kind of feeling, but Adam learned to take care of himself.

Broken vases were never cleaned up anymore, left to be stepped on and rip open sensitive skin. And Adam learned that as he walked downstairs to get some water and stepped in glass, yelping in pain as the sharp shards cut the bottom of his foot. He hopped to the bathroom and sat on the floor to check the damage. Blood dripped onto the tiled floor and Adam did his best to calm him, try not to cry, because it was just a couple of cuts. He could fix it, no problem.

His parents didn’t come to his aide, didn’t even look to see what happened, and Adam was fine with that. Fine with being left to his own devices. That’s all he wanted, but there was still a pain in his heart. A pain that told him that his parents didn’t really care, and it hurt.

It hurt more than the wounds bleeding onto the floor.

~~~~~~

Bruce noticed Adam limped a little on his left leg and instant red flags burned in Bruce’s head. He didn’t bring it up though, no way. He knew how Adam worked, knew that Adam would just change the subject, distance it even, and Bruce didn’t want that. But he still worried about Adam, still wanted to know.

Nothing was said about it until Adam got to Bruce’s place and hissed out in pain when he took his shoes off.

“Koovs, you okay?”

Bruce knew Adam hated the nickname, but he had to use it, only used it when he was worried. And Adam knew that. Knew Bruce would be worried.

“Just… stepped in some glass and cut my foot. It’s fine.”

And now that Bruce looked, there was a bandage on Adam’s foot, wrapped up kind of lazily and Bruce shook his head a little as Adam sat beside Sean on the couch.

He’d have to bandage it correctly later.

~~~~~~

Bruce started to realize small injuries that started to become normal for Adam.

First, it was his foot, then his hand was sliced open, and now there were bruises. Some were small, but most were under his clothes, hidden, away from eyes that stare. But Bruce saw them and immediately confronted his boyfriend about them. But it was always the form of answers. It was an accident, that he fell, that it was his fault.

And Bruce, he was having none of it.

~~~~~~

“Peake, something’s wrong.”

Matt didn’t look up at Bruce, but he nodded, because he knew too. Knew something was very wrong and Adam wasn’t telling them, wouldn’t tell them, and Bruce was scared.

They were all scared.

~~~~~~

Adam never would let the others know.

Never let them know because he knew they’d make him stop, tell him not to do drugs when they too did drugs. Be hypocrites about everything because Adam was supposed to be the good kid, the choir boy, the preacher’s son. He hated it, hated everything. Wanted to just take the pills he bought from kids at school, wanted to drown out his life.

He’s woken up from darkness, from nights he can’t remember because of his choices, his actions. Woken up to bruises and cuts that he doesn’t remember getting and that’s when he flushes the pills down the toilet because he’s scared.

He’s so scared.

~~~~~~

Slowly the injuries go away from Adam’s body.

Bruce never gets an answer about how they got there in the first place, but if they never come back, then Bruce doesn’t really need an answer. He just wants Adam safe, wants Adam to trust them. He’s just happy that Adam looks more lively.

Bruce never notices the dying look in Adam’s eyes.

~~~~~~

Why Adam let Bruce drag him to parties, Adam has no idea. They usually stay at each other’s side, but now Adam was lost in the crowd. Lost between sweaty bodies and the smell of cheap beer and drugs.

And Adam knows it’s the first mistake.

Bruce always gets him a drink that isn’t spiked, and Adam is happy for that, happy to not drink the poison. But as he weaves through people and pushes his way to the backyard, someone puts something in his drink. And they laugh with their friends because it’s a joke.

It’s a joke.

Adam drinks the soda and immediately knows something wrong, knows the taste isn’t right. And he knows it’s too late as he puts his cup on a side table and walks outside. His vision is already starting to fog up and he tries to rub away the feeling, but it doesn’t work.

He tries to call out Bruce’s name, Matt’s name, any of his friends’ names, but his tongue is heavy and he feels sick. And it’s not a joke to him as panic settles in. Because it’s just like the pills he’s taken before.

Everything starts to dull and Adam wants to cry.

~~~~~~

Bruce doesn’t know how they got split up, but he doesn’t trust the people at the party with Adam. He doesn’t trust Adam not to get into trouble, because it always seems to follow the poor kid. Bruce looks around until he hears laughing closer towards the back of the house, close to the bathroom and he feels drawn to it. He slowly walks to where a group of kids are and as soon as one of them sees Bruce they start to scatter, and Bruce knows immediately something’s wrong. Something’s terribly wrong.

And when he sees Adam pushed in a corner, hiccuping and bleeding, Bruce feels anger. He pushes it down though as he crouched down to the floor to look at his boyfriend.

“Adam? Buddy, can you hear me?”

Adam didn’t move when Bruce said his name, only stared at the wall and hiccup a little more.

“Koovs?”

“It’s okay, it’s just an accident.”

Adam looks at Bruce after he’s says that, puts his hands out for Bruce and Bruce sees Adam clutching glass in his fists.

“Oh, oh no Adam.”

Adam smiles as he lets some pieces fall to the floor, blood dripping onto the wood as well.

“Just an accident, right?”

Bruce feels his heart break as Adam asks that, looking at his bloody hands.

“Yeah, just an accident Koovs.”

“G-Good.”

Adam starts to cry again and Bruce scoops him up in his arms and carries him outside, yelling at people to move out of the way. And everyone moves out of the way as Bruce walks out the front door, hearing James call his name as he did.

Matt drives Bruce and Adam back to Bruce’s house and James takes everyone else there as well.

~~~~~~

Lawrence picks out the glass from Adam’s hands as Joel sits beside him to help in any way, keeping the safety kit in his lap.

“What happened Larr?”

“Drugs, I can tell. Someone must of put something in his drink.”

“Assholes.”

Adam kept mumbling about accidents, kept trying to scoot away from Lawrence every time he tried to get glass out of their friend’s hand, but Lawrence ignored it. He needed to get the glass out of Adam’s hands and clean the cuts first, and then they could deal with the drugs in Adam’s system.

“Do we need to take him to the hospital?”

“No Joel, we don’t have the money for that.”

“But…”

Lawrence sighed as Adam tried to move away again, Lawrence looking up at their friend and seeing a tint of blue peek from under his shirt collar.

“Joel, can you move Adam’s shirt collar down a bit?”

“You saw it too?”

Lawrence looked at Joel and nodded and looked over to the door before continuing to get glass out of Adam’s hand.

“Be quick Joel.”

~~~~~~

Bruce sat on the steps of his house, his knuckles busted and bleeding as he heard the front door open. He smashed his cigarette into the concrete as Sean sat beside him.

“Smoking gives you lung cancer Bruce.”

Bruce snorted as he lighted another cigarette, Sean knocking it out of his hand when he brought it close to his lips.

“Shit, you fucker!”

Bruce turned to Sean to yell at him, but stopped when he saw the youngest of the group had his head in his hands, his hat pushed up a little.

“Will Adam be okay Bruce?”

“Sean, he’ll be okay, I…”

Sean looked up and stared Bruce in the eyes, letting out a shaky sigh.

“Do you really believe that Greene? Do you? Because I don’t think you are.”

“Sean, please…”

“Look at yourself Greene, and then tell me, do you think YOU will be okay?”

Bruce looked away from Sean and picked the cigarette that he knocked out of Bruce’s hand off the ground.

“Sean, go back inside.”

Sean let out a huff and walked back up the steps and went back inside.

~~~~~~

“Hey, James…”

James looked up from the couch as Joel stood in the opening of the hall.

“Can you come with me?”

James nodded and looked at Matt, who had fallen asleep on the other side of the couch. He sighed and got up to follow Joel.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’ll see.”

James followed Joel into Bruce’s bedroom and saw Lawrence bandaging Adam’s hands. Lawrence looked over for a second before continuing to wrap up Adam’s hands.

“Larr?”

“Adam has a new tattoo.”

James walked closer as Lawrence finished bandaging Adam’s hands.

“Where?”

Lawrence carefully moved Adam’s head to the right and then pulled his shirt collar down to show James the blue flowers that patterned Adam’s shoulder.

“That’s not recent,” James whispered.

“No, it’s not. It was covered up for a while.”

Lawrence rubbed Adam’s cheek with his thumb as he pulled his collar back. Adam hummed and put his hand over Lawrence’s.

“Is he still out of it?”

“A little.”

Adam doesn’t look at anyone as he leaned into Lawrence’s hand, blinking slowly as he stared at the bed.

“Will he be okay?”

“I hope so.”

James sighs as he sat on the bed and Joel sat beside him. They all stayed quiet as Lawrence kept Adam calm and Joel ends up falling asleep on James’s shoulder.

James would of called it calming if it wasn’t filled with pain.

~~~~~~

Bruce didn’t know what he was doing.

He had almost gone through a whole pack of cigarettes as he thought about Sean’s words.

(“Do you think you will be okay?”)

Bruce had an answer.

The answer was no.

~~~~~~

Joel, James, and Adam all fell asleep in Bruce’s bed as Lawrence cleaned up the mess, throwing away bloody towels and glass. He heard the door open and close and knew it was Bruce, hearing him walk to the room. Lawrence looked up when he smelled the strong scent of cigarettes and sighed as he saw the bags under Bruce’s eyes.

“You look fucked.”

“Thanks Larr, really makes me feel better.”

Bruce looked over at the bed and smiled when he saw the guys sleeping.

“Will..?”

“He’ll be fine Bruce, I’m sure. Adam’s a big boy.”

Bruce nods and points behind him.

“Peake is asleep on the couch and Sean’s asleep in the guest bedroom.”

“Well, I’m staying here. Gotta keep an eye on these sleepyheads.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll sleep on the other couch. Call me if anything goes wrong.”

“Don’t worry Bruce.”

Bruce nodded before hugging Lawrence, Lawrence returning it. They stayed like that what like forever, and Lawrence didn’t mind. He knew the eldest was in too much stress and needed it.

“It’ll be okay Bruce, trust me.”

“I know, I know, but I just… I’m scared.”

“We all are, but it’s okay. It’ll all be okay.”

Bruce let Lawrence go and nodded softly before turning to leave the room.

“Night Larr.”

“Goodnight Bruce.”

And Bruce believed it would be okay.

He’d be okay.


	3. But Everything is Not Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Part two to “And You’ll Be Okay”. Warning for violence, drug use, and alcohol. This will end it on a good note, I promise.)

Matt woke up to a warm weight against his stomach.

He was a little dazed from sleeping, but he knew it was Bruce from the arms pushed under the back of his shirt. It was comforting for Bruce, even though it wasn’t comfortable to Matt. He shook Bruce’s shoulder a bit to wake him, his back starting to hurt a little.

“Bruce, dude, wake up.”

Bruce groaned and pulled his arms out from under Matt, pushing himself off his friend.

“S-Sorry Peake.”

Matt sighed and sat up as Bruce scooted to the other end of the couch, laying his head back down on the armrest. He was out almost immediately, Matt leaving him be as he got up to get some food. He walked into the kitchen to see Joel and Lawrence sitting on the counter, both of them drinking coffee as the sun slowly started to light up the house. Matt waved at them and they waved back, continuing to silently drink their coffee.

Matt started to make tea as he heard Joel whisper something to Lawrence, turning to look at them as Joel moved away.

“So, everything okay?”

Joel hummed but didn’t give an actual answer, Matt scrunching up his nose in disapproval.

“Am I going to get an ans..?”

“Adam hasn’t woken up.”

Matt stopped making his tea and turned to look at Lawrence, silent fear coming off everyone.

“Is he alive?”

“Yes, but he won’t wake up. Just stays curled up against James’s side. James won’t leave the bed until he wakes up.”

“Have you told..?”

“No,” Joel whispered.

Matt felt a little sick in his stomach as the news settled, feeling his throat burn a bit.

“I-I need to go to the bathroom…”

Matt quickly ran from the kitchen and down the hall before closing the bathroom door.

~~~~~~

James heard someone pass by the door, but he didn’t move to see who it was. He just pet his shaky hand through Adam’s sweaty hair, it sticking to his forehead lightly. James felt panic in his chest, but he didn’t let it get to him. He needed to stay calm for Adam’s sake, for everyone’s sake. James was the tough, funny guy, and he had to continue being that.

“Adam, buddy, you probably can’t hear me, but I… Have I told you the time Bruce, uh, Bruce fell down the stairs at my parents’ house?”

James knew he wouldn’t get an answer, but he told the story anyways.

~~~~~~

Sean immediately went to the bathroom to comfort Matt when Lawrence told him. Sean knew he was a calm in the storm for a lot of them. He didn’t want to be, it wasn’t what he was good at, but it was probably the youthful look on his face that made them feel young as well. Because Sean looked lively while they looked like they were dying, and he was just a sophomore surrounded by seniors and a junior. He knew they’d grow out of him, but he still stuck around.

He sat on the floor beside the bathroom door and waited for Matt to unlock it.

~~~~~~

Joel had to get out of the house.

He felt trapped and he started to kick his legs as Lawrence finished making Matt’s tea, knowing that the guy would want it as soon as he got out of the bathroom. Joel watched Lawrence and didn’t like the gloomy atmosphere that was settling in.

“Larr, can we leave?”

“Where do you want to go?”

Joel thought about it, listening to Bruce’s soft snoring from the front room and Lawrence pouring the tea into a pitcher.

“The store?”

“Sounds good.”

Joel hopped off the counter and went to get Lawrence’s keys.

“Get our shoes, okay Larr?”

“Yeah mom.”

Joel smirked for a few seconds before grabbing the keys.

~~~~~~

Sean heard the bathroom door unlock and he quickly got up and opened the door softly, seeing that Matt had already gotten back in the bathtub. He never turned on the water, but Sean knew Matt just liked to sit there, to try and process things that bothered him.

“Matt?”

“Can you sit with me?”

Sean nodded and closed the door behind him, locking it quickly before walking over to the tub and getting in to sit by Matt. Sean wished he’d brought a few bottles of beer or the few joints he had left hidden, but he didn’t want to get up. He rested his head on Matt’s shoulder as he heard a car start and drive off.

“Lawrence and Joel.”

Matt hummed a little as he grabbed Sean’s hand and held to it.

“It’ll be okay Matt.”

“I know.”

Sean didn’t believe his own words, but he hoped Matt did.

~~~~~~

When Bruce woke up again, he didn’t want to be in the house anymore.

He could tell by the quiet surrounding that nothing was good. Bruce hated it and got up from the couch to get his shoes, needing to take a walk for a while and clear his head.

He knew where to go to get the pain to leave for a little.

~~~~~~

Joel sat in the shopping cart as Lawrence pushed it down the aisles, not really looking for stuff to buy. They were just at the store to get away, to escape and if it meant walking around the market for a few hours, then it was okay with them.

But Lawrence could always tell when Joel started getting bored though, moving around in the cart and messing with his fingers. Lawrence sighed loudly and Joel looked at him, Lawrence stopping the cart as soon as he got Joel’s attention.

“Larr, something wrong?”

“This isn’t working.”

Joel looked around before getting out of the cart, tripping a little before he got his balance in check. Lawrence softly smiled as he watched Joel, Joel returning the smile when he notices Lawrence watching him, slowly walking around the cart to his friend.

“We’re going to sit on the floor and talk.”

“Joel, the floor is nasty.”

“I know, but I also know you need to talk about everything, so I’m going to put up with the gross floor and we’re going to talk.”

Joel plopped down on the floor and Lawrence slowly crouched down to the ground, feeling dirt get on his hands as he sat.

“Joel, I’m not sure the store is a good place to talk.”

“Oh well.”

Lawrence shook his head as Joel leaned against Lawrence’s shoulder, his arm warm against his own.

“We’ve been friends for way too long,” Joel finally sighed out.

“Bruce and James have known each other longer,” Lawrence quietly replied.

“I know, but I knew you before I knew anyone else. I was just a new kid trying to understand everything and you were the nerdy weirdo that helped on my first day.”

“Wow Joel, you’re so nice.”

“I’m serious Larr, I don’t think I would’ve stayed in this town if it wasn’t for you. I never told you how much I wanted to move away because I knew it’d hurt your feelings, and I didn’t want that, I never wanted that. You were my best friend and you talked about not getting along with a lot of people and I just didn’t want that. I wanted you to be happy.”  
Lawrence didn’t say anything as Joel ranted, just watched him explain stuff that Lawrence already knew, already had found out. He felt his heart beat pick up and he knew he had to say something, had to tell Joel the secret he’s hid for years.

“Joel, I wanted you to be happy too, I still want you to be happy. It’s… I-I always sort of had a crush on you, because you were so cheerful and happy and I liked it. I loved it and I… I loved you.”

Joel smiled wide and quickly grabbed Lawrence’s face in his hands, pulling him in to a kiss. Lawrence felt shocked, stuck. Joel’s lips felt soft against his, felt right, and Lawrence soon enough kissed back. He was also the one to pull away, laughing as soon as he did.

“Do I really kiss that bad Larr?”

“No, no! It’s just… This isn’t the most romantic place to be confessing our love to each other.”

“Come on Larr, imagine a little. Pretend we’re not going to get sick from sitting on this gross floor.”

Lawrence started to laugh again and pushed himself off the floor, putting his hand out for Joel to grab. He pulled Joel up to his feet as well and wiped his hands on his jeans.

“Can we leave now, Joel?”

“Yeah.”

“Finally.”

Lawrence gave Joel one last peck on the lips before turning to leave to store.

~~~~~~

Sean doesn’t remember falling asleep, but he wakes up back in the guest room. He knows Matt’s at his side, can smell the warmed up tea that his friend is drinking. Sean turned and sat up to look at Matt, seeing the book in his lap as he drank his tea.

“Matt, what time is it?”

“Don’t know.”

Sean sighed and scooted a little closer to Matt.

“What’re you reading?”

“A book.”

“What’s the title, Matt?”

“Doesn’t have one. I haven’t given it a title yet.”

Sean rolled his eyes and read some of the sentences over Matt’s shoulder as Matt put his cup onto the bedside table. He saw the name Frodo and instantly knew what the book was.

“Matt, you’re reading Lord of the Rings.”

“Really? Didn’t notice.”

“You’re an ass.”

Matt smirked and Sean elbowed him in the side and smiled. The smiled down after he remembered Adam, and Matt saw the sadness wash over Sean’s face.

“Sean… Hey, buddy.”

Sean looked at Matt and Matt cupped his face in his hands. He rubbed his thumbs softly on Sean’s cheeks and finally just rested his forehead against the younger’s forehead.

“Sean, it’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. Adam is a strong kid, he knows that. He’ll be okay, so I want you to stop worrying. Can you do that for me?”

“I…”

“Sean, can you do that for me?”

“Yeah, yeah I can.”

Matt moved his hands to Sean’s shoulders and pushed him back a little, moving away a little as well to look at Sean. He softly smiled and moved to start to read his book again, but Sean grabbed Matt’s arm and pulled him close again.

“Can I get a kiss?”

Matt stared at Sean for a few seconds before nodding, Sean quickly pressing a small kiss to Matt’s lips before moving away.

“Yeah, everything will be okay.”

And Sean believed it.

~~~~~~

James was staring at the ceiling when he felt Adam sit up, pressing one of his bandaged hands against James’s thigh and yelping when pain shot through his arm. He looked at James in confusion while James stared at Adam wide eyed.

“James?”

“Adam!”

James wrapped his arms around Adam’s waist, pulling him close as he hugged the breath out of his friend. Adam laughed a little and softly patted James’s back, hissing in pain when he felt pain again.

“James, please. I just woke up.”

“But you don’t understand, everyone’s been so worried! You were hurt and we were so scared, but you’re okay now so..!”

“James, James, I know. I was just really tired.”

James squeezed Adam against him a little more before letting go, looking at Adam up and down happily. 

“I was so worried.”

“I’m sorry James.”

“No, don’t apologize. You’re okay now. Everything’s okay. Man, I need to tell Bruce.”

Adam’s eyes lit up a little when James said Bruce’s name and James smiled.

Everything was okay.

~~~~~~

Everything was not okay.

The music was loud and Bruce was drunk and high enough to start forgetting things, start forgetting that Adam was probably dying. He didn’t know what time it was, had started to forget where he was, and for him, that was okay.

He doesn’t remember what he had said to the guy to piss him off, but the punch he swung at Bruce made Bruce feel good.

Yeah, he felt really good.

~~~~~~

Lawrence felt every bit off as soon as he walked into Bruce’s house.

James was walking around on the phone, mumbling things under his breath. Matt and Sean sat beside Adam on the couch and kept him calm as James continued to pace the house.

“Adam, oh my god.”

Joel quickly went to Adam’s aide as Lawrence walked up to James, grabbing his friend’s arm to stop him from pacing.

“James…”

“He’s not answering his damn phone.”

“James, what’s wrong?”

James looked towards the front room then grabbed Lawrence’s wrist to pull him into the hall.

“Bruce is gone.”

“Where’d he go?”

“I… I don’t know.”

Lawrence shook his head and put his hands on James’s shoulders.

“Yes, you do.”

“What? Larr, I don’t…”

“Think Willems, where did Bruce used to go when he was upset? Where did he always run off to?”

James scrunched his face up in confusion, then realization hit him and he shook his head.

“Lawrence, he promised…”

“You know how Bruce is.”

“B-But, but he promised! He said he’d never…”

Lawrence turned and went back into the front room, James following close behind. James kept saying Lawrence’s name to stop him, but as soon as they were in the front room, James shut his mouth.

“James and I are going to go get Bruce. Matt, can you come with us?”

“Yeah, I can.”

“Okay, let’s go then.”

Matt stood up and quickly slipped into his shoes, Adam standing up as Matt walked over to Lawrence and James.

“I want to go too.”

“No Adam,” James quickly answered.

“Why? Why can’t I go?”

“Because, the place we’re going to isn’t for someone like you. Stay with Joel and Sean,” Lawrence explained.

“Someone like me?! Are you really pulling the ‘he’s a Christian boy’ card on me?!”

“Adam please.”

Adam shook his head and got Lawrence’s face, Lawrence feeling the anger radiate off him.

“No, I want you to fucking listen to me Sonntag. I’ve been through some shit, I’ve seen things that most ‘Christian kids’ don’t usually see. My parents don’t give a god fucking damn what happens to me anymore, I’ve shoved glass into my hands knowing it’ll hurt and I’ve went and got a tattoo on my own because I wanted to feel like I had my own fucking choice. I’ve taken pills out a bottle that doesn’t have my name printed on it and I’ve broke so many rules my parents have given me that I literally know the moment they find out, I’ll be taken out of public school. I don’t fucking care if Bruce is at a place that isn’t for 'someone like me’, I want to go get my fucking boyfriend. So how about you get that fucking stick out of your ass and let me come help you get Bruce.”

Everyone stared at Adam in disbelief as Adam snatched the keys out of Lawrence’s hand, opened the front door, and jogged to the car.

“Holy shit,” Sean whispered as they heard a car start.

“He’ll leave without us, let’s go,” Matt said before running out the door as well.

Lawrence and James nodded as they followed close behind.

~~~~~~

Lawrence drove as Matt sat in the passenger seat and James sat in the back with Adam. Lawrence kept looking back at Adam, and each time Matt would say “keep your eyes on the road”. Lawrence would always nod and say “sorry”, but he’d always end up looking at Adam again.

“Who changed your bandages Kovic?”

“James did.”

Lawrence looked at James and Matt punched Lawrence’s shoulder.

“Ow, hey!”

“Then keep your damn eyes on the road.”

James snorted, poking Lawrence’s shoulder from the back seat. Lawrence ignored him and went back to keeping conversation with Adam.

“Kovic?”

“What?”

“I want you to know that this place we’re going to, it’s not good. I mean it too, this is a very bad 'industry’, so to say. They don’t care what happens to anyone, they just want money. People have died, but they can’t get shut down. Bruce, he has connections there, and it isn’t good for someone who is high school. The people that go there, they knew some of Bruce’s family, and well, they didn’t have a good relationship. So if something bad has happened, promise me you won’t freak out, got that?”

“Got it. I promise.”

Lawrence nodded and kept his eyes on the road the rest of the way.

~~~~~~

When Adam saw the building, he didn’t think it was real.

It looked out of a movie. The building was old and the smell of drugs came into the car as soon as Lawrence opened his door.

“Bruce is here?”

“Yes, now come on Kovic. We have to hurry,” Lawrence answered before he shut the door.

Adam shakily sighed before opening his door and following Lawrence, James close behind.

“Peake, stay with the car.”

“Got it.”

Lawrence marched over to the entrance, the guard in the front a bright haired girl.

“Meg!”

The girl, Adam now knows as Meg, looked up and smiled.

“Sonntag, come to fetch Greene?”

“Of course,” Lawrence huffed as he reached the entrance, Meg moving out of the way for them to go through.

“In the back, third room. Be careful, some tough dudes got a hold of him.”

“God dammit.”

Lawrence led the way as they walked in, Adam grabbing onto the back of his shirt as he pushed through people.

“Move out of the way, move!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Adam whispered each time Lawrence pushed someone. James rolled his eyes at Adam as he walked behind him.

“Sonntag!”

Lawrence scrunched up his nose as an older man wrapped his arm around Lawrence’s shoulders, the smell of alcohol thick on him.

“Hey Geoff.”

“Just the guy I wanted to seeeee! Look at ya, so grown up.”

“Where’s Bruce?”

“Greene? Probably dead.”

Adam gasped and Geoff laughed.

“I’m kidding, he’s this way. Come with me.”

Geoff stumbled around as Lawrence followed him, still pushing people around. Adam gripped harder to the back of Lawrence’s shirt, even when the cuts in his hands started to sting. James hooked a finger into one of Adam’s belt loops, eyeing people to keep them away from their friend. Geoff finally stopped and leaned against the wall, nodding his head to the door to his left.

“He’s in there. Don’t worry, the guys that beat the shit out of him left already.”

“Thanks Geoff.”

“Anytime, Sonntag.”

Geoff gave Lawrence a smirk before pushing off the wall and stumbling away, James watching him walk away.

“Alright, time to save Bruce.”

Lawrence pushed open the door and shook off Adam to quickly get to the bundle in the back of the room.

“Bruce!”

James pushed passed Adam to help Lawrence, Adam frozen in place as he watches Lawrence help Bruce sit up.

“Bruce, listen to me buddy.”

“W-What?”

“What happened?” James asked, checking his body for broken bones.

“Um, it was an accident.”

“I bet it was.”

Bruce smirked a little, then hissed in pain as James pressed against his chest.

“Bruised, but not broken.”

“I think my nose is broken.”

Lawrence checked it and Bruce cries out, digging his nails into the floor.

“Way to go Taggster.”

“Never call me that again James.”

Bruce laughed and Adam finally felt a little calmer, walking over to him. Bruce noticed him and stopped laughing. He stared at Adam as he finally made it over to them.

“Yo.”

“Really? Really?! Yo?!”

Adam smiled as Bruce grabbed him and pulled him into a hug, Adam returning it.

“I missed you, asshole.”

“I missed you too Bruce.”

~~~~~~

Bruce immediately fell asleep on the ride back to his house, leaning his head against Adam’s shoulder.

“We’ll have to bandage him up a bit, but I think he’ll be fine,” Lawrence said from the passenger side, Matt choosing to drive this time.

“What really was that place?”

“A past, and hopefully stays that way.”

Adam nodded as he rubbed small circles into Bruce’s back. He didn’t ask anymore questions as they drove in silence, James falling asleep against the window before they got back to the house.

“Hey Kovic,” Lawrence turned to look at him, “will your parents be mad that you haven’t been home in a while?”

“Honestly, they probably haven’t noticed I’ve left the house.”

Lawrence sighed and reached to the back of the car to mess up Adam’s hair.

“It’ll be okay, as soon as you turn eighteen, you can move in with one of us. Then life will be fucking great.”

Adam laughed and patted Lawrence’s arm with his free hand.

“Yeah, I bet it will be.”


	4. Something You Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (“okay but i need to know what that tally mark stands for on each of them like damn - fckhaus” oh buddy are you ready for this angst train?)

The tally marks stand for the people they have lost.

Bruce and Sean’s are for their parents, Bruce losing his mom and dad when he was only twelve and Sean had lived on the streets for years until he was taken in by an orphanage and then later adopted. They had only known how to take care of themselves, then later each other.

Joel’s is for his aunt, a nice, old woman who loved Joel so much. She always told Joel to not let people treat him badly and to have a heart full of love. Joel lives to her words and knew when the group were getting the tattoos, he was going to get it in memory of her.

James doesn’t talk about his much, says its personal, but Bruce knows it’s for some friends he had. Knew that before Bruce, there was three kids that James treated like family, like siblings. He also knows James hates drunk drivers.

Matt is for some friends as well. Matt has got some secrets, knows he does stuff he isn’t supposed to, but he wishes he had been smarter. Wished he had not let his friends fight a couple of kids. Wished he saved Arin out of all of them because he was so innocent. It’s a thing he regrets.

Lawrence is open about what’s his are for. One is for a lost love, a pretty girl with bright purple hair and a sweet smile and he watched her get shot. Three are for a few friends lost to overdoses and drunk driving. And then the last one is for Avidan, who didn’t deserve to die.


	5. Fallen Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Adam wants to remember. (Preacher’s son au, warning for death.))

Adam knows what it’s like to drown.

He was six years old, and his parents brought him with them to a small church gathering at a friend’s house. They took their eyes off Adam long enough for him to get outside, to walk to the pool and stick his hand in the water and splash it around. No one noticed as his little giggles didn’t carry far, the water getting on his shirt sleeves as he tried to reach farther into the water. His other hand slipped under his own weight and he fell in, not having time to scream out before he sank. He splashed around and tried to breathe in the water, scared that he would die in the water.

He didn’t know how long he was in the water, but someone jumped in and swam under to get him, Adam coughing out as soon as he hit air. His savior sat him by the pool before getting out themselves, Adam realizing it was his sister as she wrapped her arms around him.

“It’s okay buddy, it’s okay, I got you, it’s okay,” she whispered, Adam shaking in her arms.

“S-Sarah…”

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

Adam didn’t say anything as he hung onto his sister’s dress, shaking from fear and crying, Sarah rocking him back and forth. He heard people talking behind him as Sarah kept him close, Sarah humming a small tune as he heard his father yell at their friend.

Adam fell asleep in Sarah’s arms as she continued to hum the soft tune.

~~~~~~

“I want a tally mark tattoo.”

Everyone looked at Adam as they sat in Bruce’s backyard, Lawrence and Joel buzzed off cheap wine and Sean high enough to count not being all there. Bruce rubbed Adam’s back as he put his cigarette out on the bottom of his shoe, looking at Adam seriously.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I know about the stories behind all yours, and I realized I have someone I want to remember too. Someone who is important enough.”

Bruce smiled as he stole the wine from Joel and drank a little, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he passed it to James and Matt.

“Alright, we’ll take you by the tattoo shop Friday night.”

~~~~~~

Sarah looked a lot like their mom.

She had the dirty blonde hair and the small nose and the doe eyes.

But her eyes were their dad’s harsh green.

Adam had always been scared of their dad, had always feared he’d do one wrong thing and everything would be hell on earth. He was scared of the strong voice and rough hands, scared of the harsh green eyes.

But Sarah, her eyes looked like dad’s. And, at the same time, they didn’t.

Sarah’s eyes looked like fresh green grass on a spring day, looked like a meadow. They were inviting and calm, filled with hope and compassion.

Sarah was a good person.

She did not deserve to die.

~~~~~~

Adam had gotten enough tattoos that it didn’t hurt anymore, only a soft sting. He didn’t need all the guys there, but they came anyways, waited for Matt’s friend to finish the tattoo on Adam’s ankle.

As soon as they were done, Adam showed it to the guys, it almost identical to everyone else’s.

“You’re officially a part of the group now Adam,” James said sarcastically, wrapping his arm around Adam’s shoulders.

“Whatever, he’s been part of the crew the moment Bruce saved him from those fuckers in the cafeteria,” Sean laughed, elbowing James in the side.

Lawrence stared at Adam’s tattoo for a while as they drove home, kept side eyeing it until Adam gave him a funny look. Lawrence sighed and finally asked the question that had bugged him since Adam told them he wanted it.

“Who is it for?”

Adam smiled sweetly at Lawrence and grabbed Lawrence’s hand, intertwining his fingers with his friend’s. He waited a few minutes before answering, drawing small circles into the back of Lawrence’s hand.

“It’s for my sister.”

~~~~~~

Sarah one day just left.

Adam didn’t know why, had waited on the couch for to come back, but she never did. He cried and cried for days because Sarah was who kept him safe, kept from the scary things in life.

One day, Adam’s father changed the locks on the house and told his mother that he changed their phone numbers. When Adam’s mother tucked him into bed that night, she told Adam that Sarah wasn’t Adam’s sister anymore. Adam didn’t understand, thought that Sarah was his sister, but he didn’t ask his mother about it. Because even if his parents said Sarah wasn’t his sister, she still was. She was who Adam looked up to, looked at for guidance.

He has almost fell asleep until he heard a knock at his window, a soft, delicate knock that still woke him up.

He looked over to his window in confusion and a small bit a fear, but realized who it was the moment he saw the moon shine in her eyes.

Sarah had came back.

~~~~~~

“What happened to your sister?” Bruce asked Adam as they were going to sleep, Bruce tracing the flowers printed on Adam’s shoulder with his fingers.

Adam didn’t answer right away, didn’t like to talk about his sister like she was no longer around. But Adam knew there had to be a point he’d have to tell Bruce, had to let Bruce know the truth.

“She was just trying to get me out of my parents’ house.”

~~~~~~

Sarah helped Adam pack a bag full of clothes quickly, stuffing as much as they could. She slung it over her shoulder and helped Adam through the window, Adam’s little feet landing in the grass colored like Sarah’s eyes. Sarah followed close behind and ushered Adam to her car, opening the passenger door and pushing Adam inside.

“Hurry buddy, hurry.”

Adam hopped into the seat as Sarah opened the back doe and tossed Adam’s bag in, running swiftly to the driver’s side. She barely got the door open when the front door of the house opened, Adam’s father and mother running out.

“Sarah Elizabeth, you get back here right now!” Adam’s father screamed, “you bring our son back inside!”

“No, I don’t listen to you no more! All you do is control our lives and I’m sick of it! Adam can’t live like this!”

“He’s not yours to take care of! You have no idea how to raise a young boy!”

“I’ll raise him better then you ever will,” Sarah got into Adam’s father’s face and spit, his father grabbing the front of her shirt after she did.

“You’re going straight to hell.”

“I’ll see you there.”

Adam’s father pushed Sarah back into the car and Sarah caught her balance against the hood, staring the man in the eyes as she walked to the driver’s seat and got in.

“It’s okay Adam, you’ll never see these people again.”

Adam only nodded as Sarah pulled out of the driveway.

~~~~~~

Adam curled into Bruce’s chest and held back tears, gripping to the loose shirt Bruce had on as Bruce rubbed his back.

“Someone shot her. She was looking for a job to take care of me and her, but as she was walking down the street, she got caught in a drive by shooting. No one solved the case and five people died without justice, without closure. She was one of them. The police made me move back in with my parents and I screamed all the way back, screamed until I couldn’t say anything anymore,” Adam explained, letting go of Bruce’s shirt to rub his eyes. “She was the only good thing in my life for a long time. She cared about me, knew my parents were not good people. You remind me of her a little.”

“I’m sorry that happened Koovs,” Bruce said softly, kissing Adam’s forehead. Adam smiled softly and leaned in closer to Bruce.

“I think you would’ve really liked her.”

“I think I would too.”

~~~~~~

The next day, the guys all went to Sarah’s grave.

She was buried the same place a lot of the guys’ friends were buried, people who had been forgotten by the public and only lived in the hearts of the one’s who loved them.

Adam put down one single flower on his sister’s grave and smiled as the others looked at other graves, Sean and Matt stopped in front of one that had Arin carved in close by.

Adam rocked on the heels of his shoes before sitting down in the grass in front Sarah’s grave looking around before huffing out a sigh.

“Hey Sarah, I have a lot to talk to you about.”


	6. You’re Gonna Go Far Kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (“Wipe that smile off your face Greene, everyone that cares about you died.” (Preacher’s son au. Warning for underage drinking, smoking, depression, and mentions of suicide.))

Bruce knows now that if he died, a lot of people would miss him.

He didn’t know that when he was thirteen, when he would scream at night because if he went to sleep there would be nightmares. They would be there and tell him they left him on purpose and it’s his fault. Bruce didn’t know.

But now he had a loving boyfriend, a whole group of friends who’d sacrifice themselves for him. He had people who still welcomed him into their home, who patted him on the back and told him he did good. He had a new family.

That didn’t replace his parents, but it got pretty damn close.

~~~~~~

Telling a twelve year old kid that both of their parents are dead is the worst feeling for anyone.

Bruce was at school, in class with James joking around when he was called to the office. An eerie silence fell over the class as Bruce got up and walked out of the classroom, everyone staring at him as he did. The hallways were silent too, giving off a vibe Bruce did not like.

Walking into the office was much worse.

The ladies at the front desk looked at him with sorrow as the principal waved Bruce to follow him into his office, Bruce walking slowly to him. The principal closed the door when Bruce walked in and sat down in the chair in front of his desk, his feet barely scraping the floor.

“Hello Mr. Greene, how has you day been?” The principal asked, smiling at Bruce.

“Am I in trouble?”

“No, no, I just need to talk to you about a call we just got addressed for you.”

The principal sat in his chair behind his desk and leaned forward, looked at Bruce with the same sorrow that the ladies at the front desk did.

“Look, Mr. Greene, we got a call from the hospital to tell you something happened.”

“What happened? Is it my grandma? She’s been sick recently and…”

“No, it wasn’t her. It was your parents,” the man sighed.

“My parents? What’s wrong with them?” Bruce suddenly knew what the sorrowful looks were, knew why everyone looked at him a certain. 

“It was a car wreck Mr. Greene, your parents, they didn’t survive. I’m so sorry.”

Bruce stared at the principal before shaking his head, standing up from the chair.

“You’re lying.”

“Mr. Greene, I’m very sorry, you need to understand…”

“I do understand, and I understand you’re lying.”

“Mr. Greene…”

“Stop saying that! My name is Bruce! Stop! Just stop!”

Bruce covered his ears and let himself cry, falling back into the chair. He curled up in it and cried hard, feeling arms wrap around him. Bruce hugged back and cried into the principal’s shoulder, shaking from his sobs.

“P-Please… Please be lying.”

~~~~~~

The funeral was sorrowful.

Bruce didn’t cry, had gotten every tear he could out the three days before. He just stared at the two coffins sitting at the front of the church, the church he went to every Sunday with his parents. His grandfather rubbed his back but Bruce didn’t respond, didn’t want to respond.

When the preacher, a man with harsh green eyes and a stern face, stopped talking about his parents being happily in heaven and to not look at everything like it was a sad time, Bruce ran from the room. His grandfather called for him, but Bruce kept running, pushing open the door and running down the street.

He ran to James’s house and banged on the door, wiping his face to find no tears. James’s mother answered the door and gasped, taking in the sight.

“Oh, Bruce, are you okay, son?”

Bruce flinched at the word son and shook his head, trying to find words but none coming out. He just pointed inside and Mrs. Willems let him in, Bruce immediately running up the stairs and to James’s room. James jumped as Bruce swung open his door and quickly closed it, locking it behind him and scooting down to the floor.

“Bruce? Are you okay?”

“No, my fucking parents are dead.”

James jumps at the curse word and goes to sit down by Bruce, weaving his fingers into Bruce’s. They both stayed silent as Bruce calmed his nerves, his breathing rough. He let James hold his hand for a while before he pulled it away, wiped his tearless face again.

“God isn’t real,” Bruce muttered and James leaned his head on the door, cracking a smile.

“I already knew that Bruce.”

“I know, it’s just… I grew up thinking about all this fantasy my parents told me was real, but a “loving” God wouldn’t take away both my parents. He wouldn’t leave me with nothing.“

"Well, I have no idea what all that stuff is about, but I totally agree with you,” James joked, wrapping his arm around Bruce. Bruce laid his head on James’s shoulder and sighed heavily.

“You’re my best friend James, but… I think I’m going to be gone for a while.” 

“Why?”

“I need to clear my head.”

“Okay, just don’t do anything stupid,” James laughed, poking Bruce’s shoulder.

All Bruce did was nod.

~~~~~~

Bruce found his calling at a place whispered behind hands.

It didn’t have a name, only called a place for lost souls. So a lot of people called it the Soul, but that wasn’t it’s name, it didn’t need a name.

That’s where Bruce met Lawrence.

He was a few months younger than Bruce, but he was stronger, angrier. He was full of rage that Bruce couldn’t really focus on, only focused on the way the man’s eyes glowed with hatred.

Bruce wanted to fight him.

It was a messy fight, Bruce only being thirteen for a few weeks and Lawrence being twelve. They fought uncoordinated, fought to get some sort of feeling out of it. It was dirty and cheated and Lawrence won in the end, sat on top of Bruce as Bruce tried to fight out of the situation.

“Get off me, asshole!”

“You started the fight, you deserve this.”

Bruce stopped fighting and went slack, letting Lawrence sit on top of him. After a few minutes Lawrence got up and stuck his hand out, Bruce grabbing it and being pulled. Lawrence smiled weakly and let go of Bruce’s hand, some of the anger subsiding in his eyes.

“You wanna a drink?”

Bruce nodded.

~~~~~~

Bruce had never drank alcohol before, but getting drunk with Lawrence was a good thing for him.

He pretty much his whole problem, and the more he drank, the more happier he got. Lawrence just listened, just let Bruce mumble out things into the air. Soon enough, Bruce went silent and looked at Lawrence, a stupid smile on his face as he stared into his eyes.

“I don’t have anywhere to go.”

Lawrence nodded and helped Bruce up, supporting his weight as he led Bruce away from the Soul. It took a while for Lawrence to drag Bruce to a old house, but he made it and knocked on the door, a kid with very poofy hair opening the door.

“Hey Dan, can we..?”

“Come inside, my parents aren’t home.”

Dan helped carry Bruce inside and to dab’s room, laying him on the bed. Dan gave Lawrence a toothy grin before leaving to get some sleeping bags for himself and Lawrence. Lawrence stared at Bruce as he curled around a pillow and fell asleep, looking so small even though he was probably the oldest in the house.

Lawrence sighed sadly and pet his fingers through Bruce’s hair.

He decided to be Bruce’s right hand as he waited for Dan.

~~~~~~

Lawrence convinced Bruce to go back to school as he sat on Dan’s bed, Dan still asleep on the floor. Bruce looked very tired and Lawrence pet his fingers through Bruce’s hair, Bruce leaning into the touch.

Lawrence knew school would feel bad, but he also knew Bruce needed to go back.

~~~~~~

The next time Bruce went to the Soul, he met two people.

Bruce was fifteen now, filled with more hope and life than before. He always smelt like cigarettes and beer though, blaming Lawrence and James for it. A lot of people knew him, a guy around his age named Ryan and his buddy Ramsey, both of them trouble for Bruce’s innocent friend Jack.

He met Sean and Matt through them.

Matt looked like someone who had killed someone because he had a look in his eye, a look of fearlessness. His knuckles were scarred and bruised a lot, his body littered with cuts and bruises. Sean though, looked like a child. And he probably was, as Bruce got closer to them. Matt was talking to Ryan when he noticed Bruce, immediately tensing up. Sean hid close to Matt and kept his eyes on Bruce as he walked up and waved.

“Hello.”

“Hi,” Sean whispered, waving back. Matt didn’t say a word and Bruce looked at Ryan for an answer, Ryan just shrugging.

“What’re your names?”

“I’m Sean. And he’s Matt,” Sean nodded towards Matt as he stepped more into the glow of cheap lights. Bruce realized Sean was just a child in the middle of all the people.

Bruce nodded and turned to Ryan, who was really there for. “Ramsey is looking for you.”

“Of course he is,” Ryan muttered, Bruce shrugging before walking away, waving goodbye to Sean and Matt.

Matt watched him walk away.

~~~~~~

The next time Bruce met Matt, it was in an alleyway.

He searched out for Matt, wanted Matt to beat him so he could feel something again. Bruce noticed he started to feel numb again, and he knew Lawrence won’t put feeling back into him, wouldn’t punch him until he felt everything again.

So he looked for Matt.

It wasn’t hard, it was like Matt was looking for him too. Sean wasn’t around as Matt wailed on him, let his knuckles become bloody as he straddled Bruce and punched and swung. He was all offense and soon enough Bruce had the upper hand, had a grip on Matt’s wrists as Matt tried to get out of his grip.

“Matthew, Matthew, stop, stop,” Bruce told Matt, watched him slowly stop fighting. He sighed as Bruce let him go, moving off of Bruce to lay on the dirty ground with him.

They stayed silent and Bruce didn’t expect to hear the soft sobs come from the man beside him, Bruce immediately sitting up and pulling Matt close. Matt cried into Bruce’s hoodie and hung onto him, muttering stuff that Bruce couldn’t hear.

“Ssh, ssh. It’s okay Matt.”

“I-I just want to die.”

“No you don’t, I promise you don’t.”

“I know, I know, I just… Life isn’t good. I just want Arin back.”

Bruce realized Matt’s sorrow and tried to hide him from the world, let him cry.

“Okay Matt, let me tell you something. You know that big abandoned building close to the school?” Bruce asked, rubbing Matt’s arm.

“Y-Yeah…”

“I really wanted to die, so I climbed it. All the way to the very top. And as I hung my feet from the ledge, ready to end my pain, I realized something.” 

“What was it?” Matt asked, his crying dying down.

“I realized my friends would miss me, and I didn’t want them to go through the pain that I was going through. I realized it wasn’t worth it. So I climbed back down, and I went back home. And Matt?”

“Yeah?”

“You can go home too.”

Matt laughed a little and snuggled closer to Bruce, still hanging onto his hoodie.

“C-Can… Can I stay at your house?”

“Hell yeah you can,” Bruce smiled, hearing Matt laugh again.

After a few moments, Bruce stood up, Matt still in his arms, and went home.

~~~~~~

Bruce met Joel through Lawrence.

Bruce knew Lawrence hated going to the the Soul now, he himself hated it, but Lawrence went anyways. And a few hours later, Lawrence came back with a lanky, curly haired kid.

Joel didn’t have a scrape on him, but Bruce could tell he was drugged out, and that’s why Lawrence had him. Knew Lawrence wanted to keep him safe.

They had stumped into Bruce’s house like idiots and Bruce let them have the guest room.

Bruce really liked Joel.

~~~~~~

Bruce’s house became their base.

Bruce wouldn’t go one day with at least one of the guys at his house. Sometimes they were hurt or high or both, Bruce bandaging them up and giving them pain meds. He was their solid ground.

Sometimes Lawrence brought Dan with him, seeing the guy age like the rest of them. He was still lanky, still dorky, and Bruce liked him, liked how carefree he was.

One day Bruce found Lawrence crying over Dan’s dead body.

No one knows how it happened, but Lawrence was traumatized for days, wouldn’t move from his spot on the couch in Bruce’s house. He didn’t do anything, just stared at the wall for days until finally Bruce made him move, eat, go to school. It’s all he could do.

Bruce knew Lawrence’s sorrow.

~~~~~~

If you asked twelve year old Bruce about his life, he’d say he wished he was dead.

If you asked nineteen year old Bruce about his life, he’d say he never wants to die.

~~~~~~

Bruce’s fear was death.

He’d seen a lot of it, watched sorrow in people’s eyes a lot. He knew it hurt, would hurt for a long time.

And sometimes, the fear of death brought nightmares.

They never got too bad, never got to the point Bruce would wake up screaming like he did when he was thirteen. He knew it was just imaginations.

But this one, it felt too real.

~~~~~~

/“Hey Greene, wake up Greene.”

Bruce shook his head as he kept his eyes closed, curled up in a ball on the floor.

“Do you know where you are, Greene?”

“Leave me alone…”

“You’re in HELL.”

Bruce covered his ears and shook his head again, wishing the voice would go away, the voice that sounded like his mom, his dad.

“It’s all your fault we’re dead.”

“N-No, no it’s not.”

“And guess what, it’ll be your fault all the ones you love will die too.”

“You’re lying, stop!”

Bruce opened his eyes when he heard footsteps, looked up to see Adam, James, Matt. He saw everyone.

“Adam?”

“I don’t want to die Bruce, don’t let me die,” Adam muttered, reaching at for Bruce. Bruce tried to grab his hand, but Adam pulled it away, smiled softly as Bruce reached out for him.

“Adam!”

“We don’t want to die.”

“Adam, please!”

Adam reached out for Bruce and Bruce stood up, tried to grab Adam, but each time Adam would step away. He looked around and saw no one around, no one but him and Adam.

“Adam, I’m sorry, just please.”

“I never really loved you, you know that Bruce?”

Bruce stopped and Adam stopped too, kept smiling at Bruce.

“No…”

“No one really loves you. Everyone thinks you’re a fucking screw up.”

“No!”

“You’re the reason my life is hell! You’re the reason God has damned me! You’re the reason my parents don’t love me!”

“Shut up!”

“You’re the reason I’m a sinner!”

Bruce swung at Adam and he heard skin hit skin, heard a crack as Adam fell to the ground. Bruce realized what he did as Adam looked at him with sad eyes, blood running from his nose.

“A-Adam, I didn’t mean to… Oh god…”

“Bruce, why? Why would you hit me?”

“Adam, Adam I didn’t… I-I…”

Adam shook his head as he scooted on the ground away from Bruce, wiped the blood coming from his nose with the back of his hand. Bruce stared at Adam before he felt someone push him, Bruce stumbling a bit.

“Why’d you do that, Greene?” Matt spat, pushing Bruce again.

“You’re a monster, Greene!” Lawrence growled, pushing Bruce from behind to make him fall to the ground.

“You deserve to die!” James laughed as he kicked Bruce down, Bruce screaming out in pain.

“You never cared about us, did you?” Sean asked, his voice sad as he kicked Bruce in the face. 

“I’m just waiting for Adam to realize how fucked up you are,” Joel announced, digging the heel of his shoe into Bruce’s hand.

Bruce didn’t fight back as his friends beat him up, screaming for someone to save him. His body ached and bruised, tears beginning to fall as he curled up in a ball. He heard a gun cock and everyone walk away from him, Bruce opening his eyes to see a gun pointed in his face.

“Welcome to hell, Greene,” Adam laughed before pulling the trigger./

~~~~~~

Bruce woke up screaming, his body shaking as he sat up and immediately covered his ears. He felt soft hands against his shoulders as he continued to scream, someone saying something, but he couldn’t hear them. All he could hear was the words he heard in his nightmare, repeating over and over.

The hands on his shoulders were moved away and his hands pulled from his ears, Bruce forcing himself to stop screaming. Strong hands caressed his face and rubbed the tears from his eyes, Bruce still letting out choked sobs. He didn’t open his eyes as he moved his hands to grab at whoever was calming him down, pulling them into a hug. He pressed his face into their shoulder and shook in their arms, small circles being drawn into his back.

“It’s okay Bruce, it’s okay. It was just a nightmare it’s okay.”

Bruce noticed Lawrence’s voice and held tighter to his friend, letting him soothe the fear away. He knew the others were there, but he continued to cry.

“I-I don’t want to die.”


	7. Break My Bones, Make Me Feel Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (If I could give my life to save another, I’d do it for you. (Preacher’s son au. Warning for drug use, death, and violence.))

Matt forgets a lot of people he’s fought.

Their faces just become blank to him, emotionless. They were just someone he got to beat up in five minutes and then collect his thirty dollars for the day.  
But there was a few faces he remembered.

Arin’s small form standing far away and ready to lose, tears filling his eyes. He looked so scared and Matt couldn’t hurt him, couldn’t take his fist and punch the kid down. He let the timer run out and then hugged Arin close, let the child cry into his shirt. After Arin stopped crying, Matt walked him home, let the kid wear his jacket.

Matt loved him like a brother.

Arin followed Matt around, hung onto his shirt, watched him fight. Matt never let him fight anyone though, would never let the little ball of sunlight near any of the fighters.

That’s how Matt met Sean.

Sean wasn’t a fighter, didn’t want to be. He was kind of scrawny and looked tired, like he was rushed to age. Matt was wiping the blood from his nose as he came walking up to Arin and Sean, seeing Arin smile as Sean talked to him. Sean looked up when he saw the shadow of Matt, waved shyly as Arin got up and hugged Matt.

“Matt, Matt, this is Sean, he kept me company while you fought!”

Matt nodded once and looked at Sean, put out his bloody hand for Sean to shake. Sean didn’t hesitate to shake Matt’s hand, blood smearing onto Sean’s palm.

“Nice to meet you, Matt.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

Sean’s handshake was firm for such a small guy, but it was short, pulling his hand away as quick as he could. Matt didn’t think much of it as Sean stood awkwardly beside them as Matt put his arm out for Arin to grab.

“See you around Sean,” Arin called out as Matt began to lead them away, Sean waving back.

Matt didn’t wave.

~~~~~~

The worst fight Matt ever got into was with a kid named Miles.

He was taller than Matt, but only by a few inches. But Matt didn’t care about that, he only cared about the way Miles looked at him. He looked sorry for doing it, even as he punched Matt in the jaw, Matt could hear a quick sorry before they were back at it. It was weird to say the least, but Matt took a lot of hits than he would normally, let Miles get some cheap punches in.

In the end, Matt still won, had broken Miles nose on accident and immediately regretted it, brought Miles’ face into his hands to check. Miles was smiling though, a happy, bright smile as Matt pulled him out of the circle and into their little group. Matt had Sean help him check the kid’s nose as Miles laughed, wrapped his fingers around Matt’s wrists as he soothed away pain.

“You’re too nice,” Miles whispered out as Matt sent Sean to get the first aide from his car and Arin tried to see if he could clean blood from their skin.

“I try my best,” Matt said back as Sean came back with the first aide.

Miles nodded as Matt continued to fix his nose.

~~~~~~

Miles wasn’t always around, but when summer ended and school came back around, Matt found himself getting closer with him. Miles talked a lot and Matt liked to listen, sit beside Miles as Sean went to smoke weed under the bleachers and listen to the kid go on and on about things. Video games, tv shows, web series, it was everything with Miles. Every little thing was important to the kid.

And if Matt never told Miles about the soft feelings he got towards the talkative kid, well, no one had to know.

~~~~~~

The first fight Matt ever lost was with a guy that went by Coe.

He was a pretty faced man that Matt got a little distracted by as the timer went off, letting Coe get the first blow. Matt went down quick and shielded himself, but Coe didn’t hit him after that, just helped Matt up and checked where he hit him. Matt didn’t expect the soft touch and careful smile, Coe helping Matt go sit down beside Arin and Sean.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. You almost took me out in one hit,” Matt smiled, Coe smiling back.

“Yeah, well, sorry about that. It was a cheap shot.”

“Nah, you did good. Thank you for helping me.”

“No problem,” Coe laughed before patting Matt’s shoulder and walking away, Matt staring at him as he left.

Sean elbowed Matt in the side and Matt elbowed him back, Sean laughing as Matt scrunched up his nose. Arin patted Matt’s leg and Matt looked at him and smiled, messing up Arin’s hair.

“Come on guys, let’s bounce,” Matt said and Sean and Arin both nodded in unison.

~~~~~~

Matt and Miles laid in the grass at the park in the middle of town, sharing a beer and getting all giggly from the alcohol. Miles’ eyes were glossed over and he looked a new kind of happy, like he didn’t care about a thing. He looked at Matt and smiled wide, his brown eyes bright.

“You’re my best friend Matthew.”

Matt felt strings pull at his heart and he pulled Miles close, moved to straddle his chest as he continued to mumble things.

“I, Matt, I want to be your friend forever, I want to talk to you whenever I want to. I want to feel safe around you Matt I love you I love you…”

Matt pent down and softly kissed Miles’ lips to shut him up, heard the happy little sigh as Miles lay slack under him. Matt soon, way too soon, pulled away from the kiss and pet his fingers through Miles hair, showed how much he loved Miles by touch instead of words. Miles didn’t say anything as he hummed from the fingers combing through his hair, the fingers dancing over his skin.

They could sit there in the park forever if it meant they could be together.

~~~~~~

Matt knew him and Miles just couldn’t be anything.

It wasn’t that they thought it wouldn’t, but it was just their love wasn’t strong enough for each other. They didn’t want to hurt each other like they had with fists.

Their friendship was still solid, perfect. Matt would sit with Miles and listen to him talk, listen to ideas and plans and nonsense that filled Matt’s heart with hope. He loved Miles, but now it was a full platonic love, something that they both couldn’t explain. Miles was just someone he wanted to keep forever.

If Miles died, Matt may would have died as well.

~~~~~~

What Matt didn’t realize that the more he hung with Miles, the less he hung with Arin.

It didn’t bother Arin too much, he was a good kid, but Matt was his rock. His hero. And now Arin barely saw him, only at school and sometimes at fights. In the process though, Arin met a guy named Dan, his lanky form making him look funny as he sat by Arin while Matt fought.

“What up little bro?”

“Uh, just waiting for my friend to finish fighting,” Arin stumbled over his words, Dan just smiling.

“Which one is your friend?”

“Peake.”

“Nice, he’s a good fighter. Kind of quiet.”

“That’s just how he is.”

Dan nodded and looked around the building, his first time coming to the place. He watched Arin kick dirt with his feet, looking anywhere but Dan.

“So, what’s your name kid?” Dan finally asked, watched Arin’s golden eyes snap towards him.

“Arin, what’s yours?”

“Dan.”

“That’s a cool name.”

Dan opened his mouth to say something when a gunshot rang through the building, some screaming in pain afterwards. Arin got up and ran, Dan trying to grab him, but missing him. Dan felt fear edge through his body as he got up and started to push through the chaos that began, people pulling out knives and throwing punches. Dan dodged people as he looked for Arin, panic surging through him.

More gunshots went off and Dan felt something hit his side, falling to the ground. He screamed in pain and looked around to see others on the ground too, some of them younger than Dan.

And in the middle of the bodies was Arin.

~~~~~~

Matt felt sharp pieces of glass stab into his back, hissing out as he grabbed the kid’s arm and flung him off, looking for his friends as soon as he got the kid off him.

He saw Sean close by, saw Sean get someone on the ground before stabbing them in the throat. Matt closed his eyes before Sean stabbed the person and then opened his eyes again, running over to Sean as he stared at the body under him.

“Sean, Sean, let’s go! Come on!” Matt yelled, pulling Sean up and away from the body. Sean was in shock as Matt pulled him away, looking around for anyone he knew. He felt a hand against his back and jumped to see Coe, a huge gash on his forehead. He smiled and Matt smiled back, before they all ran together to find others.

Matt saw someone punch Miles in the face as they passed by people, stopping and pulling the person off Miles and kicking him down. Miles rubbed blood away from his lip and followed Matt, Sean, and Coe. They all knew Arin was the last one to find, fear lingering as chaos started to disperse and bodies were starting to be more seen.

“Where is he?” Matt quietly questioned no one, going ahead of everyone as he went outside, his wounds starting to throb in pain as he looked around.

“Arin! Arin! Arin, please!”

Matt looked down the walls of the building and found a guy holding a bundle close to him, looking up at Matt and fear crossing his face. Matt didn’t want to know what the bundle was as the guy pushed himself up as best as he could, Matt helping him. That’s when Matt saw Arin’s face, his body wrapped up in a jacket. Matt gasped as the guy carried the kid the best he could, tears in his eyes.

“I-I tried, I tried so hard and he still…” The guy started to sob, pushing Arin into Matt’s arms. “I’m… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry oh god…”

The guy ran off as soon as Matt had a hold of Arin, watching him stumble a bit as he ran. Matt looked back at Arin and shook his head, tears of his own as he bent to the ground and laid Arin down. He moved the jacket and saw the bullet wounds, Matt letting out a scream as he fell on top of Arin.

“No, no fuck no Arin Arin I’m sorry Arin please no!”

Matt wrapped his arms around Arin’s still body as he whispered Arin’s name, rocking him back and forth. He felt a soothing hand on his back and knew it was Coe, not addressing him as he held Arin in his arms.

Matt didn’t notice Miles pass out on the ground or Sean have a panic attack about killing someone, but he honestly didn’t care.

Arin was dead.

~~~~~~

Dan got Lawrence’s house and knocked on the door frantically. Lawrence answered the door tiredly, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“Daniel, you’re lucky my parents aren’t home. Why are you..?”

Dan shook his head as he pushed past Lawrence into the house, whispering Arin’s name under his breath. Lawrence finally saw the blood and jumped to immediately fix Dan up, sitting him down in a chair and getting his shirt off.

“Dan, Dan, listen, what happened?”

“So many dead, so so many dead oh my god. They killed him, they killed so many people oh my god,” Dan mumbled, not noticing Lawrence washing his gunshot wound.

“I don’t understand Dan, who killed who?”

“I… They… I could of saved him Larr. I could of saved him.”

Dan went silent the rest of the night.


	8. Haunted Haus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Preacher’s son au, and it’s Halloween themed :3!!!!! My friend came up with the title (sorry it’s late, I went to a party yesterday and forgot to post it. Sorry it’s also so short and kind of bad.))

“Adam, Adam! Wake up!”

Adam blinked his eyes a bit before sitting up, his shirt pushed up a little from moving around in bed. Bruce wasn’t in bed, but Adam saw the bright blue eyes staring at him, smiling as he rubbed his face.

“Good morning to you too, James.”

“Do you know what day it is?”

“Um…”

James let out a long sigh and shook Adam a little. “You took to long to answer, it’s Halloween!”

“Oh…”

Adam sat up more and rubbed the fogginess of sleep out of his eyes, nudging James away as he got out of bed.

“Do I have to do anything for it? I’m not much for Halloween,” Adam muttered, James following as he left the bedroom.

“But Adam, Halloween is fun! Haunted houses, dressing up, parties, it’s like the best time! Please Adam, please,” James whined, doing his best impression of puppy dog eyes he could as Adam walked into the bathroom.

“Nice try,” Adam laughed, closing the bathroom door in James’s face.

James whined again and crossed his arms, stomping to the front room. He fell onto the couch beside Matt and groaned, putting his hands over his face.

“Adam not want to “trick or treat” with you James?“ Matt asked, patting James on the shoulder.

"No, he doesn’t! Why wouldn’t he want to?”

“Maybe he never really celebrated it back at his parents’ house.”

“I just want to take him to a haunted house,” James sighed, slumping against the couch.

Matt nodded and went back to reading, James grinning mischievously at him before pulling the book from Matt’s hands.

“Matt, come to a haunted house with me.”

“Uh, no.”

“Matt please!” 

“James, you know I’m really scared of that kind of stuff.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll hold your hand.”

“James, I’m not going.”

“But Maaaaaaaaaaatt!”

Matt groaned and put his book down, facing James fully. “Convince the others, and I’ll go.”

James gasped and quickly got up, going straight to Joel and Lawrence’s room, pushing open the door. Joel was curled up into Lawrence’s chest, both of them still asleep. James smirked and took a running start before jumping on the bed, landing on top of both of them. Joel screamed and James laughed, feeling someone push him off of them.

“James, you fuck!” Lawrence yelled, sitting up in the bed.

“What up weeb?” James smiled, Lawrence scrunching up his nose as Joel stayed laying down. “So, Matt said if I can get everyone to go to a haunted house, he’ll go too. So, are you dudes up for a haunted house?”

“Sign me up,” Lawrence excitedly said, “I want to see Matt go through a haunted house.”

“You sadist, but count me in too,” Joel yawned, dragging Lawrence back down in the bed.

“Yes! Thank you!” James cheered, rolling off the bed. He started for the door then stopped, turning back to the bed and kissing Lawrence and Joel on the cheek before leaving the room.

When James left the room Matt was no longer in the living room, instead it was Bruce and Adam, Adam’s hair a little damp from showering. James opened his mouth to say something but Bruce shushed him.

“Adam already told me, we’re not going.”

“Bruce, Bruce! Listen, listen,” James ran up to them and got close, smiling. “Matt said he’d go to a haunted house with me if I got everyone else to go too.”

Bruce’s face lit up and he looked at Adam, begging silently even though Adam couldn’t see his face. Adam stayed silent for a long moment before sighing and looking at James.

“We’ll go.”

James cheered and ran off, not seeing Bruce smile wide and Adam elbowing him in the stomach. James knew the hardest to convince would be Sean, and went to his room to see him sitting on his bed, a frown on his face.

“Sean? Hey buddy.”

“Haunted house? Really, James?” Sean asked, looking at James.

“What? I just want Matt to go.”

Sean shook his head, but he smiled at James and stood up. “Okay, okay, I’ll go. But you will be the one to comfort Matt if he has nightmares.” 

“He won’t have nightmares. And if he does, then I will support him through them,” James joked, a huge smile on his face. 

“You better Willems.”

~~~~~~

James felt Matt’s grip on the back of his shirt tighten as they got to the front of the line, the sky already dark and the line stretching forever. James was shaking with excitement and he could hear Bruce and Adam talking in front of them, Adam saying he’d never been to a haunted house and will probably cry like a baby.

The guy that let everyone in’s walkie talkie went off and he smiled tiredly at Lawrence, asking quietly how many and Lawrence answered seven.

“Good, that’s just the right amount.”

He named off rules, but James didn’t hear as he felt Matt press his face into James’s back, letting out a shaky sigh. James put his hand out and Matt immediately grabbed it, his grip tight in James hand. James didn’t say anything as the guy opened the door and Lawrence led the way in, the others following him and James and Matt being in the back.

There was barely any lighting and James grabbed Bruce’s, or he hoped was Bruce’s, shoulder. Bruce jumped a little and James snickered, hearing Matt whine a bit. It only got darker until one flickering light came into view, James seeing over his friends’ shoulders Lawrence and Joel walk through it. Nothing really happened until it got to Sean, Bruce, and Adam, then someone jumped out from behind the wall and Sean yell “SHIT!” as Bruce and Adam screamed. Matt gripped harder onto James’s hand as the person still stood close to the wall, their makeup bloody and sinister. They brushed their fingers over James’s shoulder and James scrunched his face up, scooting away from the person.

It only got worse as they got farther into the haunted house, lights flashing and more people jumping out. Lawrence almost punched one person in the face, stopping himself before he hit them. Matt kept a firm grip onto James’s shirt and hand, only screaming a few times in fear. James helped by rubbing circles into the back of Matt’s hand and warning him about stuff that may jump out or touch him.

Soon enough, they were out of the haunted house and they all leaned against the bars of the ramp down, Matt wrapping his arms around James and not letting go. They all caught their breaths and sanity, James seeing Adam holding onto Bruce’s arm and Joel snuggled into Lawrence’s side. Sean came up to Matt and checked on him, seeing that Matt wasn’t too bad.

They waited a few more minutes before they all started to walk to their cars, Lawrence and Joel swinging their arms as they held tight to each other’s hands.

“That was fun, wasn’t it fun?” James said, slinging his arm over Matt’s shoulders. Matt didn’t say a word as everyone else answered, Sean rubbing Matt’s back.

When they got back home, everyone did their thing, Bruce and Adam falling back into the couch and snuggling together. Joel and Lawrence went back to their room, Bruce yelling   
not to make too much noise and Joel flipping him off. Sean sat beside Adam and poked his side, Adam softly kicking Sean’s leg and Sean laughed.

James smiled happily and made his way to the bathroom, not noticing Matt following him until he was in the bathroom and Matt shut the door. James jumped and turned to look at Matt, seeing the smirk on his face.

“Uh Matt, what are you doing?”

“Let’s see,” Matt walked closer to James, James backing up slowly until he hit the wall. “I was talking to Sean as we were coming back to the house, and he agreed that getting back at you would be a good idea.” Matt’s smirk grew into an evil-like smile and James gulped.

“And, uh, what is it that you’re going to do?”

Matt looked James’s body over before crowding into his space, grabbing his hips and pushing them against the wall. James whined in the back of his throat as Matt got close to James’s lips, barely touching them as he smiled again.

“What time do you have to get to work tomorrow?”

“Um uh eight I think?”

“That’s pretty early for a Sunday.”

“Well, uh, you know, have to help Bruce pay the bills and I’m not going to college and uh…”

“You want me to kiss you now?”

James nodded, but Matt pulled away and James whined again, Matt pressing hard into James’s hips before letting go.

“Sorry James.”

“Matt, no, please…” James groaned, moving from the wall towards Matt. Matt put his hand into the middle of James’s chest and shook his head.

“Maybe another time Willems.”

Matt smirked and moved his hand, turning and opening the door, smiling again as he looked at James.

“Hey James, happy Halloween.”

Matt slipped out the door and closed it behind him, leaving James by himself. James sighed and rubbed his eyes, slowly sitting down on the floor.

“I deserved that, dammit.”


	9. Roses are Red, Violets are Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t in love with you. (Warning for violence, blood, drug use, and underage drinking. Preacher’s son au.))

Bruce never tells.

He knows he’s well off with his parents’ money they left him, but he ignores it. He doesn’t want to use it. It wasn’t for him to mess with.

After the nightmares, he takes out one thousand dollars.

His hands shake as he grips to cash, fully counting it out to make sure. Dollar bills are spread over his bed, all in lazy piles and surrounding him. Sometimes he heard his doorknob shake a bit when someone tried to open it, knowing its locked but still wanting to try. Bruce ignored it, let’s himself fall into his bed in silence. Money flew up a bit and fell to the floor, Bruce watching them fall. He was so tired, felt like he was dying slowly inside. He hated it, wished the nightmares didn’t come back suddenly like a punch in the face.

He sat up and collected his money, put it in a box under the bed for safe keeping. He finally left his room as soon as he found a good place for the box, opening it to a awkwardly quiet home.

There wasn’t sound coming from the TV, no one having light conversation around the home. It struck fear inside Bruce’s already unstable brain, scared his best friends left because they didn’t like him. Bruce sniffles a bit before letting out a broken cry, falling to the floor and curling around his body. He felt like a little kid again, like he couldn’t control the spiraling mayhem around him.

He stared at the door with glossy eyes and got up, wiping his face like a child. He heard people from his past call out to him, people who he hadn’t seen in a long time.

He grabbed his shoes, opened the front door, and left.

~~~~~~

Sent by James ;) at 2:43pm  
\- Bruce is gone.

Sent by Larr at 2:44pm  
\- Not again. He leave a note?

Sent by James ;) at 2:44pm  
\- No. I’m scared L.

Sent by Larr at 2:45pm  
\- He’ll be okay, alright? He’s Bruce, he’s good at being okay.

Sent by James ;) at 2:46pm  
\- L, I’m not sure about this. He’s not feeling well and hasn’t gone to school since that nightmare. He won’t even let Adam around him.

Sent by Larr at 2:46pm  
\- He’ll be okay.

Sent by James ;) at 2:47pm   
\- Okay, okay. I’m going to call Blaine, maybe he knows. Get back soon.

Sent by Larr at 2:49pm  
\- Don’t worry about me Jamie, I’ll be alright :3

Sent by James ;) at 2:51pm  
\- You ever call me Jamie again and I’ll punch right in the mouth.

Sent by Larr at 2:55pm  
\- Just call Blaine you ass.

Text Seen at 3:00pm

~~~~~~

Bruce found Ryan hanging out a Ramsey’s.

The place smelt pretty bad, like a gross taste in his mouth. Bruce knocked on the door anyways and waited for someone to answer the door. It opened slowly and Bruce stared into golden eyes peeking through the crack of the door.

“Who are you?”

“Friend of Ryan’s, is he here?”

“No, goodbye.”

Bruce stuck his hand through the crack of the door and pushed it open, the kid with golden eyes trying to stop him. Bruce kept walking through the house looking for Ryan or Ramsey.

“Stop, stop. You can’t be in here stop,” the kid mumbled as he pulled on Bruce’s sleeve, slowing Bruce down a bit.

“Get off kid,” Bruce said as he pulled his arm away, the kid running into Bruce’s back from the force. He quickly pushed off Bruce and quit trying to stop him.

Bruce pushed open a few doors and found most of them empty, some of them looking recently used. Bruce finally pushed open a door and saw Ryan, his room smelling like recently smoked cigarettes as Bruce walked in and closed the door. Ryan didn’t look up from his book as Bruce walked over to him and sat down on his bed beside Ryan, sighing. Ryan quickly looked at Bruce’s hand and slowly intertwined their fingers, Bruce leaning on Ryan.

They didn’t say a word to each other and that was the best communication they had.

~~~~~~

James called Blaine three times before he got an answer, Blaine’s voice muffled and tired as he picked up.

“James, what is it?”

“Hey Blaine, sorry if I woke you up,” James apologized, hearing Blaine walk around and shuffle things around. “I gotta ask you something.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know where Bruce is?”

“No, I don’t know. I’ve been at Miles’ place all weekend,” Blaine yawned, the sound of water running start suddenly. “Come to think of it, Miles has been gone a lot. Don’t know what he’s been doing. Maybe he knows.”

“Okay, thanks Blaine,” James said, scratching his arm.

“Sorry I wasn’t much help.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ll come by and see you sometime, alright?”

“Yeah, that’d be nice. Bring Matt with you too, he hasn’t talked to Miles in a while.”

“I’ll do that, later Blaine.”

“Later.”

James hung up and sighed, looking at Sean asleep on the couch. He pet his fingers through his friend’s hair, pushing the hat on his head off as well.

“Dammit Bruce, don’t do anything stupid.”

~~~~~~

Lawrence gripped to the steering wheel as he parked in the lot by the Soul, getting out of the car. Matt followed him, yelling at Joel and Adam to stay in the car as he chased after Lawrence. Matt smiled at Meg before barging in, immediately losing Lawrence to the crowd. People looked his way and Matt panicked, backing out of the building from the fear of becoming some sort of center of attention. He felt a strong hand on his shoulder for a second before he saw Adam run in, Joel grabbing Matt by his hip and dragging him back to the car.

“It’s okay Peake, we’ll both just wait in the car for them, alright?” Joel said calmly, smiling at Matt as he nodded.

They waited in the car for what felt like forever, finally seeing Lawrence and Adam come walking out. Joel got out of the car and talked to them, but Matt stayed in the car.

He knew that since Bruce wasn’t with them, that he wasn’t there.

~~~~~~

Bruce convinced Lindsay, somehow, to drive him to the cemetery where his parents were buried.

The van was packed with stuff that told Lindsay’s story, stickers and drawings on the walls and bags filled with treasures. She was adventurous, had slowly stopped going to school so her and Michael could run off and travel in the van, taking in strangers. Bruce loved it’s cozy atmosphere, Lindsay humming to the music on the radio as they got closer to the cemetery.

“So, Greene, missing school I heard?” Lindsay finally spoke up, making Bruce come out of his trance.

“It doesn’t really matter.”

“I guess, but you’re just leaving choir boy by himself. Miles has been protecting him at school recently,” Lindsay explained, stopping the van. “Speaking of Miles…”

Bruce looked out the window and saw the senior sitting by the big tree close to the road, a bottle in his hand. Bruce sighed and opened his the passenger door, thanking Lindsay as he shut it.

“Any time Greene… Actually, never mind, I’m not a bus driver.” 

“See ya around Lindsay,” Bruce smiled weakly, ignoring Lindsay’s comment. Lindsay smiled back and changed the gear, Bruce stepping away as she drove off. Bruce looked back where Miles was and headed towards him, sitting beside him and making him jump.

“Hey Luna.”

“Bruce..! Hey.”

Miles put the bottle back to his lips and gulped down the alcohol, Bruce grabbing the bottle and moving it away from the kid’s lips. Miles hiccuped as Bruce found the cap in the grass and screwed it back on the bottle, laying it in the grass between them.

“What are you doing here Miles?”

“Visiting…” Another hiccup. “Visiting some friends.”

Bruce nodded as Miles got up and stumbled to the railing that surrounded the cemetery, Bruce getting up and following him. Miles slipped over and sat down, letting his legs hang down towards the long drop to a small creek. Bruce hopped over the railing and sat beside him, not trusting Miles to keep his balance.

“Miles, be careful.”

“Like, like it matters anyway. We’re all going to die,” Miles’ voice cracked at the end and he started to cry, Bruce immediately pulling Miles close.

“Hey, hey man, it’s okay.”

“No, no, it’s not. Everyone is dying around me and I… I don’t want them to. First it was Arin, then, then, others, I… I don’t want to say their names,” Miles cried out, hanging onto Bruce. Bruce rubbed Miles back and let him cry, Miles shaking in his arms.

Bruce had came to the cemetery to grieve, but he knew Miles needed comfort first.

~~~~~~

Sent by James ;) at 5:08pm  
\- Was he at the Soul?

Sent J Rubin at 5:12pm  
\- No, and Matt’s not feeling very good. We may just come by the base and try to figure out a plan. Sound good?

Sent by James ;) at 5:13pm  
\- Yeah, sounds good.

Sent by J Rubin at 5:17pm  
\- Blaine know anything?

Sent by James ;) at 5:18pm   
\- no, but he said Miles has been acting funny too.

Sent by J Rubin at 5:19pm  
\- That kid has always acted funny though. He could be tired, know I’d be.

Sent by James ;) at 5:23pm  
\- Yeah, poor guy goes through way too much.

Sent by J Rubin at 5:33pm  
\- Okay, we’re here. Unlock the door.

Sent by James ;) at 5:33pm  
\- Alright.

~~~~~~

Bruce doesn’t remember falling asleep, but he blinked open his eyes before he felt a hand around his neck and pushing him into the railing behind him. He coughed and fought to get the hand away from his throat so he could breathe, but they just pressed harder.

“Where’s choir boy now, Brucie?”

Bruce wanted to bark out a reply at the kid, but he couldn’t get a word out, couldn’t breathe enough air. He could hear struggling beside him and knew they had Miles too, were going to hurt Miles too.

“What’s wrong bad boy, can’t breathe? Going to cry to your mommy?”

Bruce dug his nails into the rough skin of the kid’s hand, hearing him hiss out but not letting go.

“I have an idea Brucie, how about you take a little drop?”

Bruce huffed out before he felt the hand move from his throat and push him, the feeling of free falling coming in quick. Bruce was still trying to catch his breath and couldn’t scream out, seeing them push Miles over as well, hearing him scream. Bruce covered his head with his arms quickly before he felt the impact of the ground, bones get crushed from the rocks. He gasped out and tried to move, tried to crawl away, but his body didn’t respond, wanting so badly to fall asleep. He heard Miles hit the ground and he finally got a scream out, screamed and screamed until his body gave up.

The only people who heard them were the ones to push them into the crevasse.

~~~~~~

James didn’t go to sleep.

He waited, waited with Adam until Adam fell asleep in his lap. His body was still shaking a little, the poor kid crying for hours because they couldn’t find Bruce, couldn’t find Adam’s light. It hurt hearing Adam cry, keep saying Bruce’s name over and over and start praying because he was so scared. It was the worst.

James pet his fingers through Adam’s hair like he did with Sean, all James was really good at now. Calming his friends down, making them feel safe.

He felt his eyes get heavy until his phone rang, James quickly grabbing it and seeing Blaine’s name across the screen. James answered it and heard frantic voices and a feeling of fear fell in his chest.

“Blaine?” 

“James, James, have you seen Miles? He’s gone. I, I know you guys have been looking for Bruce, but he’s missing too. Hasn’t come home,” Blaine quickly got out, fear tight in his voice.

“I haven’t seen him. Do you think he’s with Bruce?”

“Oh man, maybe. Shit, I should’ve went went with him, I should’ve made sure he was okay. It’s all my fault…”

“It’s not your fault Blaine, we’ll find them. They’re okay.”

“Yeah, yeah, they’re okay,” Blaine mumbled, his breathing get better.

“Do you want me to help you?”

“No, no. I’m… I’m going to call a few others. Maybe even Lindsay, if she picks up at least. Call me if you hear anything.”

“Same to you. Night B.”

“Night.”

Blaine hung up before James and James’s heart got heavier, going back to petting Adam’s hair.

“Dammit, where are you two?”

~~~~~~

Sent by Protein Bar (Blaine) at 9:45pm  
\- Lindsay, answer your damn phone!  
\- Have you seen Bruce and/or Miles?

Sent by Cat Attack (Linds) at 9:58pm  
\- Yes, I’ve seen them. I dropped Bruce off at the old oak cemetery and Miles was already there. They haven’t come home yet?

Sent by Protein Bar (Blaine) at 10:00pm   
\- No, they haven’t. Can you please go check?

Sent by Cat Attack (Linds) at 10:12pm  
\- Yeah, I’ll go check now. I’ll tell you if I see them.

Sent by Protein Bar (Blaine) at 10:13pm  
\- Thank you Linds, you’re a lifesaver.

Sent by Cat Attack (Linds) at 10:21pm  
\- I do my best.

Text Seen at 10:23pm

~~~~~~

Lindsay stopped her van by the cemetery and got out, turning on her flashlight on her phone. She couldn’t see anyone from her van, sighing as she started to walk into the cemetery.

“Miles! Bruce! You still here?”

She walked by the tree and felt her foot hit something, a soft ting coming from it. Lindsay bent down and picked up a bottle, turning it in her hands. The label read some brand of cheap alcohol, Lindsay shaking her head as she walked back to the van.

“They must be off drunk somewhere,” she sighed, tossing the bottle in the passenger seat and getting back into the vehicle. She started the van and drove off, fully unlocking her phone to text Blaine.

If only she saw Miles’ blood smeared on the fencing.

~~~~~~

Bruce gasped out as he woke up, the sun shining softly onto him as he looked around. His lips felt chapped and his body throbbed with pain, his breaths choked out from broken ribs.

“M… Miles…”

The pain was too much, but he pushed himself up with his right arm, groaning loudly from his left arm refusing for him to move. He crawled over to Miles’ still body and rubbed blood matted away from his face. Bruce felt so tired, wanted to pass out again, but he knew he couldn’t.

“Miles… Miles please…” He got out, shaking Miles a bit. Bruce heard a soft huff, but that was all. Bruce sighed and let his body relax, was happy to know Miles was alive. “I’m going to get you out of here Miles, I’m going to make those assholes pay.”

Bruce pushed himself up with his right arm, cradling his left close to his chest. He could feel ribs out of place and he cried out, standing awkwardly so it wouldn’t put too much pressure. Bruce looked up at the ledge they had been pushed off, the fall steep and unclimbable. He looked back at Miles and wiped his face, looking at his arm to see blood and dirt coated on it. He shook his head to stay focused, looked back to the ledge. He breathed in before screaming out, hoping someone would hear him.

“Help! Someone, please! Help us, god, please!”

Bruce’s throat felt raw and his voice slowly died out, coughing when he tried to yell more. Blood splattered onto the back of his hand and he began to shiver, looking around at the creek and trees that were losing their leaves. Miles hadn’t moved and Bruce sat back down, grabbed Miles hand.

“I don’t want to die Luna.”

~~~~~~

James went looking with Lawrence, Lindsay, and Blaine that morning.

Matt had become suddenly ill, throwing up in the bathroom since two in the morning. James felt bad for his friend and made him stay at the house no matter how much he begged to help. It was for best for all of them. James made sure Adam stayed by Joel and Sean’s side as well, knew that Adam would take a chance to find Bruce on his own.

They didn’t get far before James got a text from Joel saying Adam ran off.

“God damnit flower boy,” James mumbled and Lawrence looked at him, braced himself against James has Lindsay drove over a bump in the road.

“Did Adam run off?”

“Yeah, stupid fucker thinks he can find Bruce on his own. He’s so reckless,” James whispered the last part, dug his nails into his hands.

“It’s not your fault James.”

“But for some reason L, it feels like it is.”

Lawrence sighed and laid his head against the wall of the van, Lindsay hitting another bump and making Lawrence’s head hit the interior. He looked at James and brought his hand up to cup the back of James’s neck and rub soothing circles into his skin.

“It’s never your fault James, I promise you.”

James only nodded slowly.

~~~~~~

Bruce was rubbing blood off his lips that continued to be replaced, checking Miles’ pulse often until the kid stirred awake, his eyes glossy as he looked at Bruce. He looked so dazed and a little dead, Bruce helping him as best as he could to get him to sit up. Miles whined as Bruce pressed his good hand against Miles’s side, Bruce pulling his hand away as Miles sat the rest of the way up.

“Bruce, what..? Are we..?”

“We’re stuck Miles, I don’t know how to get out of here,” Bruce answered, his voice completely wrecked from screaming. Miles scratched his head and pulled his hand away to see dry and fresh blood on his fingers and under his nails. The wound began to trickle down his face and Bruce reached out to wipe it away, smearing it against Miles forehead. 

“Are we going to live?” Miles asked as Bruce continued to wipe away blood, keeping it from getting in Miles’s eyes. Bruce didn’t answer, didn’t ever want to answer. He just continued to wipe blood off Miles’s face and soon enough, Miles did the same.

Bruce felt so numb, his sleeve soaked in Miles’ blood as he finally pulled away, feeling Miles’ soft fingers rub blood from his lips. It was intimate to say the least, both of them run down and ready to die, waiting for their demise.

Bruce wished he could kiss Adam one last time.

~~~~~~

The wind was harsh against Adam’s skin as he ran, one of Bruce’s hoodies enveloping him securely, the smell of his boyfriend warm in his noise. Adam knew where he was going, had learned the path so easily that it had became routine for him for a while, when he sneaked out.

The oak door still had a welcoming look to it, but Adam knew the truth behind the doors. He knocked once, twice, three times and waited, waited to see harsh green eyes stare at him like he was a ghost.

Instead he was met with warm brown.

“Adam, honey, what are you..?” His mother trailed off, stared at Adam for what felt like forever. Adam didn’t say anything and neither did she, not until they both heard a bang of a fist against wood and they both jumped, Adam wanting so badly to run away.

“Grace, who’s at the door?!” Adam’s father, no, David screamed, his footsteps coming in harsh just like his eyes. He stepped into view and immediately saw Adam standing in the doorway, smiling wickedly at Adam. “Come back to ask for forgiveness, boy?”

Adam clenched his fists and got closer, Grace moving away from the doorway as Adam stepped into David’s space, David only being a few inches taller.

“Son…”

“Don’t son me, prick, I want to talk,” Adam’s voice held no argument, David staring into Adam’s eyes before turning and heading towards the front room. 

“Alright kid, let’s talk.”

Adam followed him into the house as Grace closed the door.

~~~~~~

“How far is the hospital?”

Bruce awoke from his daze to look at Miles, seeing him try to dig out drying blood from under his nails. He looked back at the ledge and shrugged, moving his left arm as close to his body as possible.

“We’re going to die if we don’t move Bruce,” Miles suggested and pushed himself up, hissing out in pain as he hobbled on his left leg. Bruce sighed and got up, putting his right arm around Miles’s shoulders.

“We’ll be each other’s crutch, okay? It’s the best we can do,” Bruce got out. Miles nodded and put his arm around Bruce’s shoulders as well, the sun shining on their bloodied up clothes. It was probably midday, from what Bruce guessed as he began to walk, Miles following his steps. Everything was so crooked and steep as they walked, the water from the creek splashing onto their pants.

“Creeks gotta end somewhere,” Miles groaned, leaning quiet a bit on Bruce as they walked. 

“Yeah, it has to,” Bruce answered, looking up at the sky.

Bruce really hoped they didn’t have to walk far.

~~~~~~

Everywhere they went was a dead end.

Lawrence ended up calling the police, the nagging fear of losing their friends getting worse as the day began to end. It was already starting to get dark and James hated it, pulled his beanie down more over his ears as Lawrence came back.

“L, I don’t want to add more tally marks to the group,” James told the truth, knew if the police couldn’t find Miles or Bruce that they’d pronounce them dead until it was known for sure they were alive. It was an awful feeling to have, to think their friends were dead. James hated it as he watched Blaine and Lindsay meet back up with them. “I don’t want to have to go to another funeral.”

“It’ll be okay James, they’re okay.”

James didn’t believe it anymore.

~~~~~~

Adam walked back home, rubbing at bruises on his skin. His left eye was almost swollen shut, but for once, he didn’t cry. Didn’t shy away from the injuries, because in the back of his mind said that he deserved it. He deserves losing Bruce, deserves the punishment.

And the voice sounded a lot like his father.

~~~~~~

By the time Bruce and Miles had gotten far enough away from the cemetery, it had become night time again.

Bruce’s legs shook and his vision was foggy, but he kept pushing himself forward. He knew his house had to be close by, practically caring Miles with him. He didn’t want to give up.

The darkness enveloped them like a coffin and Bruce finally put Miles on the ground, sitting beside him to rest. It was crazy how no one had saw them on their journey, no one had called the cops. Bruce shivered as the cold night bit at his beaten skin, tears forcing themselves to fall but Bruce wouldn’t let them.

“Miles, I’m not going to let you die dammit, you’re not going to die.”

Bruce picked Miles back up and held Miles’ weight and his own, his body immediately rejecting Bruce holding all the weight. Bruce shrugged off the pain and continued to drag Miles towards his house.

If anything, Bruce would sacrifice himself for Miles to stay alive.

~~~~~~

For the second night, James stayed on the couch.

He didn’t even go to sleep this time, the fear of the worst keeping him awake. They had found Adam bruised and beaten when him and Lawrence got back, Joel pressing a bag of frozen vegetables against Adam’s eye. All Joel said was that Adam isn’t his parents’ kid anymore, James realizing there were other bruises on his skin as well. Lawrence got angry and left, James begging him not to, that they were already missing too many people.

Lawrence left anyways.

James hadn’t heard from him since, making James more paranoid. Sean had comforted James more than he was comforting Sean, who usually was the one to get a little scared, a little stressed out. But instead it was James, funny, carefree James, was having the anxiety run deep into his veins like good wine.

But now he was by himself, Adam sleeping with Joel so Joel could keep an eye on him, and Sean was taking care of Matt. James was all alone, like he always was, always will be.

James was the one to hear the knock at the door.

It was weak, but James knew he heard it.

~~~~~~

Bruce had left Miles in his yard, leaning against the wall by the door and waited for someone to answer it. He really wished he had invested in a doorbell as he slid down the wall, his eyes getting heavy and tired. He heard the door open and looked up at James, looked at the tired eyes that widened.

“Bruce, oh my god! Oh my god what happened?!” James sounded so weak as he crouched down to look at Bruce, put his hands out to check but not touch.

“Miles… He’s… In the yard,” Bruce got out, pointing with his good arm towards the body lying in the grass. “He’s much worse.”

Bruce sighed as James yelled for Joel inside the house before running out to get Miles. Bruce was so tired, so worn out.

He closed his eyes, and expected never to open them again.


	10. The Brightness of the Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I long to hear your voice, but I still make the choice to bury my love, in the moon dust. (Preacher’s son au. James had a good relationship with two of the most important people in his life. Warning for underage drinking, violence, drug use, and mentions of suicide.))

James hated hospitals.

It was the too clean smell, the silence that made him feel deaf to the world. He always felt numb when he sat in the uncomfortable chairs, waited for bad news to come his way. Hospitals brought bad news in his life, never good news, never “they’re going to live” or “they made it through”. It was always the “we’re sorry for your loss” or “their heart failed”. It made James become numb to bad news.

Adam was different.

James focused on his shaking leg, the way he played with his hands. When he would rub away tears that weren’t there from his face. They were familiar habits, even the way he sat forward in his seat instead of leaning back, it was so familiar.

It was Bruce.

~~~~~~

James remembered the old days.

When he’d drag Bruce out in the rain to jump in puddles and throw mud at him. Bruce always complained about getting dirty, but soon enough he was grabbing mud and chunking at James, his laugh echoing through the rain. They’d always get a cold, always get in trouble because they went out in the rain without jackets.

James remembered being fourteen and getting to see Bruce again. After losing his parents and running away for a year, he came back to James, stayed in James’s room. He didn’t cry, even when James expected it, it didn’t happen. He was different, tougher, less alive. He wasn’t Bruce anymore. James saw scars, saw parts of skin that was deformed from being hit and stabbed.

Bruce mentioned death like it was something he saw often, as if he tried it like a drug and it wasn’t strong enough. James gripped to Bruce’s arm and Bruce just smiled, shook his head.

“Don’t worry Willems, I’m not going to go dying anytime soon.”

James pulled Bruce close and kissed him like he may never see him again.

~~~~~~

Joel held Adam’s hand as James went outside, looked at Joel with sad eyes as he went for a walk.

It was to clear his head, to try and comprehend the feeling of losing someone he cared about too much. He didn’t want to cry, but he knew he would, fell to the ground on the sidewalk and screamed. He punched the pavement until his knuckles bled, his blood splattered over the concrete. Everything hurt and he had no idea what to do, had no wall to lean on.

He called Lawrence again, then again, kept calling him until he couldn’t take it, couldn’t keep pressing Lawrence’s name.

He scrolled through the names on his phone until he saw a number he hadn’t called in so long, hadn’t thought about for so long.

He clicked the name, and pressed the phone to his ear one last time.

~~~~~~

When Bruce was gone, James made other friends.

It took him a while, the realization that his best friend wasn’t going to be around hurt like an infected wound. He knew he looked bad, taking less care of himself because Bruce wasn’t around to make him smile, make him laugh. He sat under the bleachers and let the kids smoking weed whisper about him behind their hands.

That’s how he met Blaine.

He was a grade younger than James, his thin, wire glasses slipping down his nose as he sat down by James.

“Where’s Bruce?”

James didn’t answer, just stared at the ground and waited for Blaine to get bored and leave. But Blaine stayed, taking his backpack off his shoulders and moving it in front of him. He unzipped it and looked at James as he pulled out a granola bar.

“You hungry?”

James looked at Blaine then at the granola bar before snatching it out of his hand and tearing it open. Blaine smiled as James ate it, pulling out an apple and beginning to eat as well.

“T-Thank you, uh…”

“Blaine, it’s Blaine,” he answered after swallowing the piece of his apple. James smiled and continued to eat, staring straight ahead instead of at the ground.

“How do you know Bruce?”

Blaine stayed silent for too long, James about to tell him to forget it until he looked at James, pushed his glasses back up close to his face.

“Who doesn’t know him?”

~~~~~~

A doctor came after James left, looked around before his eyes landed on Adam and Joel. Joel felt a nervous feeling as the doctor approached them, Joel standing as Adam stayed sitting down. He wished James was there instead, Joel giving the doctor a scared smile and the doctor gave him a calm one.

“Is Mr. Gibson here?” the doctor asked, Joel feeling a little calmer from the doctor’s calm demeanor. 

“Uh, no sir. He’ll be here soon.”

“Okay, I just wanted him to know that Mr. Luna is awake. Can you tell him when he gets here Mr. Rubin?”

“Yes sir.”

“Please,” the doctor smiled calmly again, patted Joel’s shoulder. “Call me Burnie. I want you to feel comfortable here, alright? Your friends are in good hands.”

“Thank you s… Burnie.”

Burnie nodded before turning and leaving, Joel walking back over to Adam. Adam looked up at Joel hopefully, but Joel just shook his head and sat back down, Adam slumping back into the seat.

“He said Miles is awake. Didn’t say for how long. You want to… go see him?”

Adam nodded and stood up, Joel staying seated as he watched Adam talk to the lady at the front desk.

“This is all so shitty,” Joel whispered, pulling his phone out of his pocket and calling Lawrence.

He didn’t expect an answer, and he didn’t get one.

~~~~~~

James, through Blaine, met others as well. They were all younger than him, but it was better than being alone, to drown in his own thoughts.

There was Barbara, who was dating a guy at a different school named Aaron. She was someone who didn’t take shit from people, but she cared, God dammit, she cared. She made sure James ate lunch, made sure Blaine was staying with a different friend each day to stay away from his cousin. She was momma of the group, and James accepted it whole-heartedly.

There was Michael and Lindsay, who were never seen away from each other. They were both the fists of the group, making sure each of the members got their revenge when someone crossed the line. They were perfect for each other, and James liked to hang with them in their old, beat up van, both of them making plans for the tattered thing.

The last member was Mica. She was quiet usually, James worrying about her often. He found out a lot one day when she climbed up to his window and stayed the night, seeing bruises and tiny bits of blood on her skin, seeing the swollen eyes from crying. She explained about her adoptive parents and begged James to let her stay for the weekend, James quickly agreeing. He found out about her older sibling, their name coming off Mica’s lips like a whisper.

“Kota.”

James didn’t forget the name.

~~~~~~

James stayed by the hospital after he got some cigarettes from the convenience store, had already smoked three from the box. His hands shook as he breathed out the smoke, his eyes still puffy from crying. He looked like a mess, knew he did when the store clerk eyes widened a bit when they saw the blood on James’s hands and the tears that kept falling. They didn’t question why James was getting cigarettes, just asked for his ID and James showed it to them.

And now here he was, smoking a fourth cigarette and waiting for a friend he hadn’t seen in years.

He was such a goddamn mess.

~~~~~~

“Hey pretty boy, you're in my seat.”

James looked up at the person standing in front of him, seeing a thin girl with her bag slung on her shoulder staring at him.

“You talking to me?”

“Yeah, I am. That’s my seat,” she answered, James rolling his eyes as he moved to the seat beside her’s.

“We don’t have assigned seats in detention.”

“I know, it’s still my seat. It’s an unspoken rule in detention,” the girl told James, resting her feet in the chair in front of her. 

“I’ve never been in detention, so I wouldn’t know the rule.”

“You’ve never been in detention, but your friends all have. I call bullshit,” she smiled, James smiling back. He couldn’t help but like her.

James was about to ask her what her name was until the teacher walked in and tapped his pencil against a few desks. Everyone went quiet and James looked to the front, listened to the teacher. He felt something sharp poke his arm and he flinched, looked over to the girl as she smiled again.

“What’s your name?” she whispered, James leaning in to hear her.

“My name?”

“Yeah.”

“Uh, it’s James.”

“Elyse,” she continued to smile as she looked back to the front of class. James leaned away and smiled softly, felt his heart jump a bit.

He knew the feeling well.

~~~~~~

A car pulled up in front James and he crushed his cigarette in the concrete, shoving the rest of the box into his pocket and walking up to the window. The driver rolled it down and James smiled, the driver giving him a side eye look.

“Stop looking at me like that and get in the car James.”

“Missed you too.”

The driver shook her head and looked straight at James, stated through him. James’s smile fell and he rubbed his arm, looked away from her.

“You never called me James, ever.”

“I’m sorry E, life has been rough. I kind of forgot.”

“Hey,” James looked up and saw the small smile, not smiling back. “James, hey. I understand, don’t beat yourself up about it. I never called you either, so I’m an asshole too.”

James sighed as she unlocked her car and James went to the passenger side and got in, closed the door not too hard. He leaned into the seat and felt his friend place her hand on his shoulder, the soft smile still there.

“Missed you pretty boy.”

“Missed you too Elyse.”

Elyse nodded, moved her hand away, and drove away from the hospital.

~~~~~~

In the few months James got to know Elyse, he fell in love.

She was full of adventures and stories and dumb jokes to make young, little James stare at her too long and smile. She liked to lay outside and point at the stars in the sky, talk about the stories she made up for each one. James would remember each one as her finger traced out the shapes and patterns, remember the smile she always had while staring at the darkened sky.

She was halfway through a story when she noticed James staring at her, lowering her hand to drape it over her stomach as James smiled.

“Are you even listening to me?” Elyse asked, James looking away from her and back at the sky.

“Of course I was. I always listen to you.”

“I don’t believe that,” she laughed looking back at the sky.

“I really do. I like listening to you.”

“Sure,” Elyse rolled her eyes, but James was telling the truth. He loved to hear her voice, loved to be around her.

He loved Elyse.

~~~~~~

It almost felt like when they were young.

Elyse drove James away from the town and to a empty field, made him lay down in the grass and stare at the sky with her. They both didn’t say anything as they stared at the sky, the stars out but fading as morning came.

“So, explain what happened,” Elyse finally said, looked at James as he continued to stare at the sky.

“I honestly don’t know. Bruce left Friday morning and came back with Miles last night beat to shit. He passed out and hasn’t woken up.”

“You care about him a lot,” Elyse huffed out, looking back at the sky. “You talked about it so much when we hung out.”

“Well, yeah. He’s my friend.”

“And you love him. It’s so simple James, you love him so much.”

“Yeah, I know I do, but he has Adam. And they’re perfect for each other. I mean they have their ups and downs, but Bruce cares so much for that kid. We all care about him,” James rambled. He had started to move his hands as he talked, knew he did that when he was anxious. “I just, I love all of them E, they’re so perfect and they have each other and I have… I have no one.”

James covered his face with his hands and dug his fingers into his hair, let out shaky breaths. He felt Elyse’s hand against his arm, but he didn’t move to look at her, didn’t move at all.

“James, listen to me James. You may not notice it, but you’re friends care about you. They want you to stay safe and to take care of yourself,” Elyse explained, rubbed soothing circles into his arm. “And if you don’t believe that, that’s okay. Just know that they care.”

James stayed silent for a while, let Elyse rub the soothing circles into his arm. He finally sighed and moved his hands, turned his head to look at Elyse.

“I want to stay with you.”

~~~~~~

James was half asleep when he heard a tap at his window, opening his eyes and rubbing them as he looked over to the window. He saw someone say by the window, the moon shining on them. James’s eyes lit up and he ran to the window and pushed it open, letting the person crawl through.

“Hey James,” he said as he finally got into the room, James closing the window and hugging him close.

“Bruce, holy shit Bruce.”

Bruce hugged his friend back and smiled, felt James press his face into his neck. They stood there forever, James rocking them a little as he kept Bruce close. He finally let go and cupped Bruce’s face into his hands, smiling bright like the moon as he stared at his friend.

“I missed you so much.”

“Yeah, sorry for leaving buddy. I’ve been at school, but I thought you’d hate me, so I avoided you,” Bruce nervously got out, rubbing his arm.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”

“Sorry I missed your thirteenth birthday… and your fourteenth one too.”

“It’s fine, really Bruce.”

Bruce finally smiled, stared at James like it was all he needed. James pulled him to his bed and had Bruce sit down, sitting beside him. Bruce messed with his hands as he looked at the ground, started to lean forward.

“So Willems, how life treating ya?”

“Good, good,” James said, realized Bruce probably had no idea what to say. “How’s life for you?”

“I mean, I probably got too close to death too many times.”

James stared at Bruce as he stared at the wall, grabbed his friend’s arm as he let his happy demeanor drop.

“Bruce…”

“Don’t worry Willems, I’m not going to go dying anytime soon.”

James stared too long, stared at Bruce as if he could fade at moment. He put his hand against Bruce’s cheek and moved his head to look at James, pet his fingers over skin that had little scars on them. He continued to stare at Bruce, tried to read his emotions, but he couldn’t find any. He shook his head before quickly moving close to Bruce and pressing his lips against his, gripped his face with both his hands.

It wasn’t a perfect kiss, messy and uncoordinated from never kissing anyone before, but James still tried to make it perfect. He had missed Bruce so much, missed the hands that were now gusted up in his shirt, missed his laugh, his voice, his smile.

He missed everything about Bruce.

~~~~~~

James leaned his head against the window as Elyse drove away from James’s home town, as he left everything behind.

His phone vibrated in his pocket too many times that he lost count, letting the texts and calls be forgotten. He never wanted to come back, never wanted to remember pain that a lot of that town gave him.

Elyse didn’t say a word to him, and that’s all James wanted.

~~~~~~

Sean and Matt came to hospital when Joel texted them that Bruce had shown signs of waking up, Sean holding Matt’s hand as they walked over to Adam and Joel and sat beside them.

“You feeling better Matt?” Joel asked as soon as Matt sat down, Matt nodding. He was bundled up in a hoodie and sweatpants, Joel guessed that they came to the hospital as soon as they got the text.

“How’s he doing?” Sean asked, chewing off the skin on his bottom lip.

“Better. Miles has been awake for a while,” Adam answered, still shaking his leg. “Blaine and his reunion was good. Blaine called Miles an idiot then kissed him.” 

Sean smiled and leaned back in his chair, Matt resting his head on Sean’s shoulder. “Where’s James?”

“Left. Don’t know where,” Joel sighed.

“Shit, he call you?”

“No, and he won’t answer our calls or texts. I’m worried.”

“He’ll be okay. It is James.”

“Yeah,” Joel looked at his phone and shook his head, sticking back in his pocket. “You find Larr?”

“Yep, he’s at the house. He was pretty drunk and had a few bruises on him. He’s okay though, I got him to sleep and put some water and tylenol on the bedside table,” Sean pat 

Joel’s shoulder softly to soothe him. “One less person to worry about okay? Don’t beat yourself up.”

Joel nodded and grabbed Adam’s hand again, Adam smiling a little as he looked ahead. They sat silently in the hospital as the sun started to shine through the windows, giving off a warm glow. It felt like they aged too much in that night, waiting for something bad to happen and it taking too long. Joel rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked up to see Burnie standing before them, looking like an angel in the light.

“You can go see your friend now.”

And that was the best news Joel got in a while.


	11. Unfinished chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I never got to finish it, I'm sorry

(Preacher's son au. Warning for underage drinking, drug use, and self hate. Last chapter)

Adam felt Joel's hand on the middle of his back as they walked to Bruce's room, a comforting habit that Joel had. It helped a little, Adam unusually calm as Burnie stopped at a door and opened it, putting his hand out to tell them they could go in. Adam led the way and walked into the darkened room to see Bruce laying in the bed, messing with the cast on his left arm. 

[[MORE]]

"Bruce?"

Bruce looked up and smiled, waving Adam to come to him. Adam took wide steps as he walked to Bruce and crouched down beside his bed. He smiled as Bruce cupped his face with his good hand and rubbed small circles into his skin.

"Hey, there's my flower," Bruce muttered, his voice hoarse. Adam frowned suddenly and Bruce shook his head. "Don't worry Adam, I'm okay."

"I missed you," Adam whispered, knowing Bruce was the only one to hear him.

"I missed you too," Bruce smiled again as he scanned over Adam's face more, seeing the bruise over his eye and brushing a careful finger over it. "What happened?"

"It's nothing Bruce, I promise. I handled it."

"Okay..."

Someone coughed and both Bruce and Adam looked over at the door to see Joel, Sean, and Matt all standing by it, a small smirk on Joel's face. Bruce smiled at them as Sean pushed around Joel and went to Bruce, Adam moving over so Sean could talk to him. Adam didn't realize Sean was crying until he lightly pushed Bruce's shoulder and wiped his face, a soft hiccup coming out of him.

"Never run away again," Sean tried to laugh it off, but Bruce saw how he really felt and pushed himself up more on the bed and let Sean have some room to lay down. Sean curled up beside Bruce and pressed his face into Bruce's side to muffle his soft sobs. 

"I'm sorry Sean, I promise not to do it ever again."

Bruce looked at Adam again, and saw how he looked older than he last remembered as Joel and Matt moved to sit down. Adam weakly smiled at him and moved his hand to run his fingers through Bruce's hair. Bruce leaned into the touch a little and sighed, his expression falling as he felt the pain meds begin to kick in again.

"Where's, uh, James?" Bruce asked, his words a little slurred.

"Don't know," Joel answered, pulling Matt close so he could rest against him.

"Is Lawrence..?"

"He's not with James, he's back at the house. He left before you got home and apparently got drunk."

Bruce nodded, not really paying much attention as he felt more tired. He wrapped his arm around Sean and closed his eyes as he heard Adam and Joel talking, too sleepy to listen anymore. 

Adam moved his hand as Bruce fell asleep, looking at Joel as he rubbed Matt's arm softly. 

"I'm going to go look for James."

Joel looked up at him and nodded, focusing back on getting Matt to sleep as well. Adam watched them for a moment before he pet his fingers through Bruce's hair one last time. He finally pulled his hand away and walked towards the door, resting his hand on the door knob and sighing. 

He felt like he aged too fast as he left the room.

~~~~~~

James woke up to someone softly humming a tune in the kitchen, the feeling familiar as he sat up on the couch. He rubbed his eyes and muttered a quiet 'Bruce' before opening his eyes. He then realized what had happened the night before, panicking a bit as footsteps came closer.

"Hey, hey! It's okay James, it's okay. Stop, please," the voice tried to calm him, but James just smashed his eyes closed and tried to push away. "James, James, please. Please, uh, please... Elyse! Elyse, help!"

James heard someone run into the room and the strong hands be replaced by soft ones, James suddenly leaning into the touch before tears began to fall.

"Bruce, oh god, what have I done?"

"James, James, listen to me, listen to me, you're okay. It's okay."

James slowly opened his eyes and saw Elyse, her face filled with concern as someone stood behind her. James looked from Elyse's friend to Elyse, trying to comprehend what was going on until he rested into Elyse's touch. She pulled him close and told her friend to finish cooking as she held James head close to her chest. 

James fell asleep to the soft humming that started up in the kitchen again.

~~~~~~

The feeling of leather under Adam's rough hands kept him, in some way, stable. 

It made things feel real for once, as the world passed by in his window. He didn't know where James was, but he had to at least look, search around. He barely noticed his phone going off until it was on the last ring, Adam quickly grabbing and answering it.

"Hello? James?"

"Hi, um, are you Adam?"

Adam didn't recognize the woman's voice and he feared that this was a call to tell him James was dead or hurt.

"Y-Yes."

"Okay, just making sure," the woman sighed, Adam hearing the phone ruffle around a bit before she continued. "I'm Elyse, an old friend of James's. He's here with me."

"Is he okay?"

"Yes, he's fine. I should've called sooner."

"Honestly, I'm glad you called, no matter what time it is. I just want to talk to him."

"Well, I'd love for you to talk to him, but the idiot has been asleep for almost twelve hours. But you could come by my place and talk then."

"Okay, that's good, that'd be good. Text me the address if you can, alright?"

"Okay, sure," the phone ruffled a bit more again, "see you in a bit Adam."

"Yeah, yeah... Thank you."

"No problem."

Adam hung up and stopped his car on the side of the road, putting his head in his hands. 

His phone rang once again and he took some time to answer it.

~~~~~~

When Bruce woke up again, he felt a sharp pain in a lot of places. He screwed his eyes shut and gasped, alerting Joel. 

"Bruce?"

"Get a nurse, p-lease please."

Bruce heard quick footsteps and the door being opened and shut. He put his right arm over his eyes when he heard the door open again, heard someone say "can you get your friend off the bed" and Sean being pulled away. 

"Mr. Greene, are you okay?"

"Hurts."

"Okay, you need to take some pain meds again, okay? Can you do that?"

"Yes."

"Please move your arm, alright?"

Bruce nodded and moved his arm from his face, blinking open his eyes a bit to see his nurse smiling softly at him. "Where's my friends?"

"Outside of the room. It's okay Mr. Greene, they can come back in once you've taken your meds," they said, the warm smile still on their face. Bruce felt safe with them.

"Alright, can you sit up more."

Bruce nodded and pushed up the bed a bit, hissing when he felt a pain in his side. 

"Careful, careful."

"S-Sorry."

The nurse smiled and poured a few pills into their hand, softly gripping Bruce's wrist to put the pills into his hand. Bruce put them into his mouth before the nurse told him, the nurse handing him a small cup of water so he could get them down. It took a few sips of water and Bruce choking a bit before he got them down, the nurse reaching out to him when he coughed, but Bruce shook his head as he finished coughing. 

"Thank you," Bruce finally said as the nurse packed things up, seeing them smile again.

"You're welcome."

As they left, they let Joel, Sean, and Matt back in the room, Sean still looking sleepy as he slowly walked to Bruce's bed. 

"Can I lay back down?"

"Not yet buddy," Bruce sighed, petting his fingers through Sean's hair. Sean nodded, but stayed by Bruce's bed. Bruce looked over at Joel and Matt and noticed Adam was gone, looking around the rest of the room for him. "Where's Adam?"

"Going to go find James."

"Oh," Bruce was silent for a minute before looking back at Joel. "Tell me, what happened to Adam? Why does he have a black eye? Was it..?"

"Bruce, calm down, it's okay. He just got in a fight," Joel said as he put his hands out to silently calm Bruce down.

"With who?"

"Some kid, he wouldn't say who,” Joel sighed, lowered his arms to his sides. "He said the talk between his parents went awkwardly well, and they actually understood him. I guess it upset him that it went so well that he went out and found someone to fight."

"He probably didn't really know them, did he?"

"From what I could tell, he probably didn't. But he said he talked to the kid for a while before he came back home. Such an Adam move," Joel softly huffed out a laugh.

"Yeah, totally something he'd do."

Bruce couldn't help but smile as the pain meds started to make him feel tired again, his hand slipping a bit from Sean's hair. He fully moved it away and patted the bed, Sean quickly crawling back into the small space beside Bruce. He didn't feel any pain as Sean pressed close, his soft breaths warming Bruce's shirt. 

"Hey, I really love you guys. You're the best of friends I could ever have."

He fell asleep again before he heard any reply.

~~~~~~

Lawrence woke up to a quiet home, his head throbbing in pain as he walked into the kitchen. He licked his lips and felt the cut across the bottom one, sighing as he opened the fridge and dug through it for the milk. He grabbed the carton and undid the cap, drinking from it as he looked around the kitchen a bit. His phone was on the counter with a sticky note attached, Lawrence seeing it as Sean's handwriting as he lowered the carton of milk and put it back in the fridge. He closed the door with his foot and walked towards it, looked at the sticky note as he pocketed his phone.

/ At the hospital, Bruce is there. Joel called saying he'd be awake soon and I didn't want to wake you. Call when you wake up :3 - Spoole/

Lawrence smiled and kept the sticky note on the counter as he went to the bathroom to shower. 

He decided he would call after he felt refreshed.

~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr.


End file.
